Until you met her
by itwasinevitable
Summary: I've never considered myself as a gay person. You're not gay. At least, it's what you always thought. What you told yourself right up until the point that you met her. It's undeniable now. You'd consider yourself the most gay person alive more than anything else. Gay for her, that is. An AU Amelia - Arizona story.
1. Chapter 1 - See the light

**Chapter one – See the light**

By now you'd think that as a 27 year old woman you'd know what you want in life. That you'd have at least any clue in which direction you'd be heading. In reality it couldn't be further from the truth. Why is it that even though you have anything that you've ever wanted in life, you're still not satisfied. Not complete. That's the word. That's what you feel. You feel incomplete. If you summon up everything you've already experienced in your life, you should be happy. In theory... But you're not.

You've been telling yourself that you don't know why. That you don't know what's missing from your life. That you should just man the fuck up and be happy, be real. And it works for you. It almost works every time. Every time... right up until that moment you see her walking into your favorite bar.

Seven months. That's how long you've been experiencing this incomplete feeling. It came out of nowhere, you always say to yourself. Except for that tiny little detail which you totally don't want to admit.

You know exactly where it came from, better said who it came from. Because it's been exactly seven months from this day that you saw her walking into this very bar.

That's why you're here tonight. Why you've been finding yourself visiting this bar every spare moment in your life. You even brought your friends this time. You're sisters, and also best friends, Maggie and Meredith know that there has been something going on with you. They know that you're not yourself, and at the same time even they feel that in the last months you seem to be getting towards the person that you should have been all along. That you've been becoming yourself more than that you've ever been.

You don't tell them you know why though. It's too early for that. You're still figuring your shit out yourself. You don't want to bother them with it before you yourself know exactly what is going on. It's an excuse though, because you know exactly what's going on with you. It might have started seven months ago but ever since that day you're piecing every little part of your life together all over. It's all clear as day now.

If you're honest with yourself you've known for about two months now who you are exactly. Who you always have been and who you want to be, from now on. Maggie and Meredith might not know about it right now, but at the end of this night they will. You've made that deal with yourself. It already has been going on for too long without them knowing. They are your sisters, but most of all your friends. They deserve to know who you are, now that you know.

Now that you don't want to deny it anymore, now that you admit to yourself that you've seen the light. The light, or better yet: that blonde across from the bar with her bright blue eyes and those dimples that you'd die for.

She's always around, it seems. Almost every time you're there, she is too. You don't think too much into it. You wouldn't dare put two and two together, except for in your dreams. She's there every time you close your eyes, or open them. You're not too picky. God damn you're pathetic really. Living in the fantasy that is her.

It's like you're living a complete different life next to your normal one. And it's about time you start living this one, the real one. So you grab your glass of white wine and just blurt it out before you get too scared again.

"I'm gay," you say softly.

Maggie and Meredith are talking to each other when you speak because you've zoned out before, like you've been doing a lot lately when they are around. It doesn't really matter who is around actually. You'd rather zone out and zone into her, so to speak. But you'd also like to be really into her, literally. So you need to speak up.

They're quiet now. Ackowleding that you said something even though they didn't hear what, or just need to hear you say it again.

"What now?" Meredith speaks up. She heard you, the look on her face says enough. Maggie is a whole other story though. She always a little slow to pick up on these sort of things.

"I'm.. I'm gay, into women," you say again. More confident this time even though you feel anything but.

"Well that took you long enough." Meredith is the one that speaks again. Maggie is stuck with the expression of confusion on her face, together with a small smile. She's always trying to make others feel comfortable even though she isn't right now.

You're also not really comfortable. You can't quite believe what Meredith just said. Took you long enough? Yeah.. it did took you long enough but that's not something that she knows about, at least you thought she didn't.

"How?" You ask her without getting another word out of your mouth.

"She knows about it too, you know!?"

"What?"

"Arizona. Come on Amy, what did you think? You're always here, always looking right at her. For months now. You're not exactly subtle you know."

Okay, this is not how you expected this to go. You want to run. Get out of this bar as fast as you can. But Meredith knows that flight look on your face and grips your wrist before you can get your body to move.

"She isn't supposed to know," you get out of your mouth just barely. You know that Meredith knows her, works with her even. They work at the same hospital. She's friends with her best friend, Alex. She's introduced you to this bar. But still.. you didn't expect her to know. And most of all you didn't expect Arizona to know about your crush on her. It makes you even more pathetic, it makes all of your dreams impossible all of the sudden. You thought that if you just told Meredith and Maggie they would be willing to make a game plan with you, so to speak. To win her over or something stupid, but now it's all turned to shit.

God she knows that I like her. She knows that I come here for her.. How am I ever going to talk to her? Meredith has let go of your wrist by now. Before she does anything else to keep you from escaping you decide to make the first move, and move yourself from this bar as fast as possible.

When you pass her in the crowd you can't help but turn your face towards her. It's like she's your magnet. You can't help yourself but to look at her.

She looks back. She sees the look of horror on your face, and you hate that. You hate that when she captures your eyes they are full of horror, for her.

* * *

Later in bed you try to calm yourself by the thought that everything you think about Arizona, are still your own thoughts. It's not that she knows about those thoughts. She just knows that you like her, apparently. And is that such a bad thing? Because deep inside you know that you are not alone in this.

You look, maybe not that subtle. But she does too. It's not like you're some kind of creep that just keeps stalking someone that is completely unavailable. She's available. It might have taken you seven months to admit it to your friends. And it might have taken you by shock that Meredith not only knew about you being gay but also about you being gay for her... When you're being real with yourself. You two have been flirting for months.

You are not alone in this. She looks at you. And you know it because you look at her. And lately when you turn your head away from your friends into her direction, you're met directly with those blue eyes of hers that are clearly already looking at you in that moment.

So even though an hour ago you swore to yourself that you would never step a foot into that bar, ever again. You're going to be there tomorrow, and the day after that one, and you find peace in the thought that she will be there too.

* * *

 **A/N**

Hello! I usually write stories about Orange is the new black, this is my first AU Grey's anatomy story. If you like it, let me know and I'll continue.


	2. Chapter 2 - When you meet her

**Previous chapter**

 _You are not alone in this. She looks at you. And you know it because you look at her. And lately when you turn your head away from your friends into her direction, you're met directly with those blue eyes of hers that are clearly already looking at you in that moment._

 _So even though an hour ago you swore to yourself that you would never step a foot into that bar, ever again. You're going to be there tomorrow, and the day after that one, and you find peace in the thought that she will be there too._

* * *

 **Chapter two - when you meet her  
** _Seven months earlier..._

You're broody. You always have been. It has something, but not everything, to do with the fact that you lost your brother, also Meredith's husband, two years ago, or with the failed relationships in your past. You always have been a little different, ever since you were little. Some might call you alternative, broody or dark. It's nothing new to you. You don't have to leave the house for work, that doesn't help either; your sister Meredith always tells you.

And the fact that you are oh so broody helps with your writing, and is definitely good for selling your books. You've written two up until this point and already have earned enough for you to be living comfortably and not worry about money or writing another one of those books. So even though you don't really have to write, you keep doing it. It might not be neccessary for the money, but it is neccessary for you. Writing is your coping meganism. It's your way of dealing with stuff that happens in your life. If you wouldn't put your pen to paper, or better said move those fingers over your keyboard, you would go mad, if only from the lack of sleep.

It's the reason Meredith drags you to this awful bar nearby her work this evening. You're waiting for her by the entrance of the hospital and after you will cross the street together towards Meredith's second, no maybe third (after the hospital) home. The bar. You've been there once before, and don't particularly like it; hence your stubbornness about visiting the bar again tonight. It has nothing to do with the bar or with the fact that it's hard for you to keep your alcohol intake to a minimum, but more with the fact that Meredith seems to know everybody there and you're the broody writer sister that also happens to be the little sister of the famous brain doctor that passed away two years ago.

Meredith has moved on for as much as would be possible, and you're happy about that. With you it's the same, but those hospital people don't know you so when they see you, they keep looking at you with such a look of sympathy that it makes you cringe inside. You are here for a night out, not for people to remind you that your brother isn't here anymore.

You figure you just have to get over it because you do want to see Meredith and Maggie more, and it just so happens to be that they are almost always either working at the hospital or drinking the night away at this very bar.

Maggie is working tonight so will not be joining you two this time. When you enter the bar Meredith immediatly holds two fingers up for Joe to see in order to let him know to get two beers ready. You've been sticking to your rule of two drinks a night ever since your drinking became a problem after Derek died. At first you just stopped cold turkey. But it didn't work for you because when you would go off the rail you would go off completely and almost drink yourself into oblivion. Sticking to the two on a night out rule has proven to work for you for almost a year now.

It's clear as day that you don't feel as comfortable here as Meredith does. She seems in sync with the place as anybody could theoretically be with a bar, more than that even. And even if you would come here as much as Meredith does, you're more of a 'see which way the wind blows' type anyway. So that is exactly what you do for the first hour or so. You sip your beer rather than chugging it, like your sister does, and you look around. You admire your sister for the way she talks so freely with everybody, and for the way she seems to have found her joy back. You know it's what Derek would have wanted for her. There has been no love interest for her up until now, but she seems generally happy with the life she is living now, even if it is unfortunately without Derek.

You're perfectly happy to just watch Meredith interact with people rather then mingle yourself. That is until someone, that is introduced to you before as Alex, walks in together with a blonde woman who looks like she might be the happiest women on earth. She's smiling so widely that her dimples are on full show, and because you feel like you got caught staring you look around and notice that you're definitely not the only one looking in her direction. What's even more weird is that you feel not too good about those other people that are watching her. You can't quite place the feeling, but it isn't a pleasant one.

Luckily Meredith is too busy with other people to see you looking at the blonde woman, more because you know that when she notices Alex, and that said woman she would probably introduce you two and you're not ready for that, you think. You don't know why. Why wouldn't you be ready to just shake some woman's hand, tell her your name and make small talk? You absolutely can not think of one rational reason other than that you're just not ready, and that it probably isn't rational, you think, right? God what is wrong with me?

This whole thing makes you whisper something in Meredith's ear before you head towards the bar to order that second beer for this night. You don't know why but you need that second beer right now. You already feel that after that second beer you need to leave because you probably need a third or a fourth, and that just isn't going to end well for you. You know yourself well enough for that. With two beers in hand you walk back towards Meredith and hand hers over.

Suddenly you start trying to mingle into Meredith's conversations just to keep yourself busy. To keep your eyes from looking across the bar, into her direction. And even though it feels like you're already trying really hard to do that, you know you're already failing and you tell yourself to try harder. At one point you even start counting down between your looks towards her. You're making bets with yourself to at least wait five minutes every time before you look into her direction once again. The counting also keeps you from thinking about what the hell it is that you're doing anyway. It's something that you will have to think about later, not because you want to but because you probably can't escape thinking about it, even if you wanted to.

It makes you not want to go home. Not just because you want to keep being able to look at her, but also because it means that you will have to face what this means. Because even without thinking about it, or even with trying to escape the meaning of this, you already know. The meaning overtakes your entire being even though you don't want to admit it, don't want to think about it.

You're attracted to her.

It's the only explanation. Even without thinking about what the looking into her direction means, you know what it means. There is only one explanation why you would keep looking at her like she hung the moon. It's even worse that you haven't felt like this in what seems like forever, definitely since before Derek died, and even before then you can't seem to think about someone that made you feel like this so strongly.

And you really don't want to think about what that means, like at all.

You're so close to that third beer. So close that you need to remove yourself from this bar a.s.a.p. You tell Meredith just that. Not the why though. You don't tell her that you need that third beer so much to cope with the thought that you're attracted to a woman. To the woman that is standing in this bar talking to Alex, and that probably means that she is either his girlfriend or another one of Meredith's colleagues. You don't feel particularly joyful about either of those two.

"Mer, I'm going home alright?"

"What, already? Come on Amelia, loosen up a little. Just have fun okay?"

"It's okay; you don't have to come with me. But I really need to just go home right now," you say a little more sternly this time. Of course she picks up on that tone you just used.

"You sure you're alright, because I can go with you, you know." She tells you and you know she's just saying it because she's supposed to, being the older 'sister', and all that.

"It's fine Mer, I'm fine. You just keep enjoying yourself and I'll see you at home okay?" You tell her while you put a small smile on your face, just enough for her to really believe you are okay to go home by yourself, and for her to indeed resume her activities for this evening.

You're a little nervous to get out of the bar actually, because it means you would have to walk right by her after staring at her frankly for the whole evening. You think you're safe though, that she didn't notice your looks. You have looked around the bar enough to know that she didn't see those other looks from other people too so, you think you are safe to walk past her and just go home, forget about this evening altogether.

With every step you are getting closer you feel your eyes almost giving in by looking at her just one more time. You didn't expect to already be this close to her, and most of all you didn't expect her to be staring right back at you. Before you can comprehend what is happening, and trying to divert your eyes from her blue ones she grips your wrist. Apparently she did realize that you were just going to bolt before acknowledging the fact that it would maybe be polite to greet each other in such a situation.

It doesn't help that Alex is standing right next to her. You know it's going to be any second now that he acknowledges you too, and he will introduce you two. You already know how you will be introduced, and you're not happy about that either. You would love to just be someone else than just Meredith's sister in law, which means that you're Derek's baby sister, and nobody ever lets that one go.

You were right. Before the blonde can speak up, Alex does.

"Hey, you're Derek's little sister right? Amy, is it?"

Amy. You hate that he calls you that. You don't even know him, not really. You can count the people that may call you that on one hand, especially after Derek died. He invented Amy.

"Amelia, yes. Amelia Shepherd."

You don't know why you add the Shepherd to it. If they know you're Derek's little sister they also know that your last name is Shepherd.

"Amelia Shepherd, the writer?" The blonde asks you and that definitely makes you look up. You can also count the people that called you that before on one hand. You like that she's one of them now.

You smile at her. A real smile this time. Not one of those smiles you just gave your sister. "Amy Shep, I mean Amelia Shepherd: the writer, yes."

She offers her hand for you to shake. "It's nice to meet you, Amy." And for once you don't seem bothered by someone using that very special nickname for you. You kinda like it when she says it.

You forget to ask her for her name in return. You're too busy discussing with yourself to just leave already or to make further conversation. The first one is winning out.

"It's nice to meet you too." You tell her before you take those three steps towards the door.

* * *

 **Arizona's POV**

 _"It's Arizona." You try to tell her but she's already out of the door._

* * *

 **A/N**

 **So here's the second chapter for you guys. Happy to hear your thoughts about this chapter, story! There might even be a third chapter in a couple of hours..**

 **I apologize to any of my Orange is the new black stories readers... I haven't forgotten about those stories yet. Just felt more like writing this.. Will be back soon for those stories also though!**


	3. Chapter 3 - What it means

**Previous chapter**

 _You forget to ask her for her name in return. You're too busy discussing with yourself to just leave already or to make further conversation. The first one is winning out._

 _"It's nice to meet you too." You tell her before you take those three steps towards the door._

* * *

 _ **Arizona's POV**_

 _"It's Arizona." You try to tell her but she's already out of the door._

* * *

 **Chapter three - What it means**

When you get home there's no escaping from your thoughts, unfortunately. You try to escape them anyway. Taking your time getting yourself ready for bed. Going through your routine as slow as possible to buy some more time. You can delay those thoughts but you can't deny them. You have to face them eventually.

And you do. When you're in bed with your eyes wide open. You don't dare to close them. Not again. Every time you close your eyes you see that set of blue eyes. As if you don't already feel guilty about that you catch yourself trying to see more of her when you close your eyes. You're trying to recollect your thoughts into seeing more of her body. You know that she's gorgeous. You remember that much, but other than those piercing blue eyes you can't seem to get yourself to see her whole body. And most of all you catch yourself wanting to see that body.

Even though in the bar you were totally overcome by the fact that you were attracted to her, are attracted to her, you've already stated that much as a fact right now. As something that just is.

* * *

So that's where you find yourself for the next few months... At that bar. By now you know a lot more people than those first two times you visited the bar. She is there a lot of the time too, just like her colleagues. You've also learned that Alex isn't her boyfriend, and you've heard Meredith talk about that blonde fetal/pediatric surgeon that also happens to be really _really_ gay. Oh, and she screws a lot of interns. Just your luck.

Ever since that first night that you met her she hasn't tried to talk to you again. It's been four months now and only once you've stood in 'her group', and heard her voice again. It also isn't until then that you officially learn her name. Arizona.

Arizona Robbins, surgeon. You catch yourself thinking more than once that you find that hot. Even though you're used to 'your people' being surgeons. You still find it hot on Arizona. The fact that she's a surgeon. Who are you kidding? You just find her hot, period.

That doesn't mean anything yet though. Because you're still trying to figure your shit out. But every time you see her you're a little more sure about your 'status' or how you want to call it. You don't know yet if you're strictly into women or that you're also still into men. You just know that you've never been 'into' anyone as much as you're into Robbins.

Arizona Robbins. You find yourself calling her name out loud more than you care to admit to anyone. Sometimes it's because you're so frustrated that she has this hold over you without doing absolutely anything. And it's like: _That God damned Arizona Robbins._ And sometimes it's in the throes of passion, which you are so not proud of, but you just can't help yourself, really. If you can't have sex with her and you don't want to have sex with anyone else, she's your number one go to fantasy when you're touching yourself. And then it sounds more like: _Fuck Ari-zo-ho-na._

The last one is your favorite, even though you're ashamed of it. You just like calling her name like that. It's like she belongs there. In your throes of passion. You'd just prefer it if she would really be the one causing those moans that escape from your throat.

What you do find weird is that you she hasn't talked to you ever since that first time, seeing as she's the one that gripped your wrist. And also the fact that she knew about you being a writer. But then again, you don't talk to her either. You wouldn't dare. You just look. And as of lately. You find her looking back.

Not that she hasn't looked back before. Because you have found her looking at you before, but every time that does happen you just look away quickly. It still feels like you've been caught in moments like that, even though she is looking at you too.

* * *

It's been six months since you first met her, and there is still no progress whatsoever. At least, progress in the sense of anything between you and Arizona. Because there is no anything between you and Arizona, you think.

Personally, for you, there has been progress. You still can't label yourself. I mean, how can you tell if you're gay, bi or straight if you haven't actually done anything yet, in this situation with a woman that is. You're a hundred percent sure that you're not straight. You feel more gay than anything else, but you don't dare say it for sure until you've had her.

You like thinking about that. Having her. Every time there are words stuck in your mind that have anything to do with fucking and Arizona and anything remotely in between, your whole body awakens.

* * *

The next two weeks she isn't around. Arizona. You've heard Meredith and Maggie talking about her at home. She's away for some kind of seminar. It's weird. It's not like you guys talk when she is here. But right now, when she's not around, she feels further away from you then ever. You miss her, and you're not even sure if there is something to miss. But you do. It is in those two weeks that you decide that you have to tell your sisters about her, about you being gay, or something. You know now. It's not a phase. It's not going away, it's getting worse. You need to tell them, and then maybe they can help you. You may need to pick up a little courage before you really do tell them, but at least you decided that you are going to tell them. Soon.

* * *

 _At seven months...  
_  
You told them. What might have spurred you on that night is that when you visited the bar you learned that she was back from her seminar. You missed her, and you're really done with her just being a fantasy. You don't like the fact that she knows that you like her, but maybe you just have to find out for yourself though.

If you didn't know any better you'd almost think that she's missed you too since the last time you've been here. You have waited one whole week to go back since you've told your sisters. When she enters the bar she looks around. Even when she's already with her group of friends, she still looks around. You'd like to think that she's looking for you. And maybe she is. You're not at your usual spot tonight. You're standing in another corner. You can't think like that, you shouldn't. It's all in your head, nothing more.

Then her eyes move towards you and find yours. One second ago you were still convinced that all of this was taking place in your head, but now. Her face lights up when her eyes connect with your own blue ones. She smiles, and for once you dare to smile back. Fuck it, you just smile back. Apparently she already knows that you like her so, what does it matter anyway. She's been playing a game with you for months now, you think now that you know that she knows you like her.

During the evening your 'groups' move closer to one another and you don't mind one bit. At a certain point you find yourself standing back to back with her. You know it's her back you're standing against, you don't know if she knows too. You can feel the warmth of her body and you can actually smell her perfume. It's the closest you two have been since you shook her hand that first time you met her.

You let your arms hang close to your body, just in case she's searching for your body like you are for hers. You don't expect her to though. Most evenings you're glad that you don't see her leave with some girl. Because that's her reputation apparently. You don't like it, but then again, you don't have any right to say anything about it or to even think anything about it.

You do wonder about it though. On various occasions you've heard Meredith, Maggie, and even Alex talk about Arizona like she's the female version of Mark Sloan. But up until this day something like that has never happened under your eye. You've never seen her leave Joe's with anyone. Thank God, you don't know how you'd cope with that. But still.

And then you feel it. You feel her fingers brush yours. You imagine she's in the exact same position as you are for her to brush her fingers like that with yours. You don't actually believe she's doing it on purpose though, at first. You can't let yourself think like that.

Then she's not actually brushing her fingers against yours anymore. She's linking her pinky finger with yours, and for her to do _that_ she needs to know that it is you standing right behind her, right?

It's like every feeling in your body is heightened. You're about the same heigth, though she's a little taller than you are. Your ass is touching hers and it's driving you insane. You have to try your best not to turn around and push your front into her back while you wrap your arms around her waist.

She's playing with you. She knows that you like her, and she knows that she can have you. Like she can apparently almost have everyone. You hate that she has this power over you. You're not easy. You're not an easy person, and you're just not easy. Period. But you are for her. And you hate that.

If she can play this game with you, you can with her too. Because if she knows that you like her, and she's doing all that she's doing to you right now, she must want you too. Maybe not in the same way, because according to everyone she's not that picky, but she does want you. And you can work with that. You can go from there.

You untangle yourself from her pinky finger and you fist your fingers together to keep yourself from doing something stupid. If she wants you than she needs to up her game. She knows that you like her. You technically don't know if she likes you. God you sound like a twelve year old with a first crush. But you also have to admit to yourself that _that_ is how she makes you feel. It's like your first crush all over again, and in a way it really is.

Even though your hands are balled into fists, she's still not letting you go. She wraps your hand around yours, and you think you hear her calling your name. You're not sure until you definitely hear her call you for the second time.

"Amy," she says softly.

"What," you whisper angrily under your breath. You're happy that after all this time she also still remembers your name and that she's finally acknowledging you, but you're also really struggling here. Struggling to maintain an acceptable presence now that she's finally so close.

"I haven't seen you around."

"Yeah, well. I've been avoiding you."

"Don't... Just, what do you want from me?" She asks you.

"I don't know, what do you mean?"

Subconsciously you have both turned around and moved towards the wall. It's more private, luckily. She has you trapped between the wall and her body.

"You're straight, Amelia." She's using your full name now. You don't like it one bit.

"Like hell I am." You're pissed now. She doesn't know what you've been going through for the past seven months. Straight? That's why you've been screaming her name every time you're hand is between your own legs. Because you're straight. Yeah right.

She's also giving you mixed signals. Because she's telling you that you're straight but at the same time she has you trapped between the wall and herself, and she's not letting you go. Not in the slightest. On the contrary, she is trapping you more. She's holding you by your waist now, with one hand.

The look on your face says enough. She gets it. "Okay then, you're not straight. But then you're all exploring and experimenting and, yay. This is a really exciting time for you. But I work in peds. I spend my entire day around newborns, so I try not to in my personal life."

You don't believe her. She is saying it but she's whispering in your ear and she's still getting closer and closer. There's literally no space left between you two.

"Straight, huh. You should set her straight," a little voice speaks in your head. At the same time you just want to walk out on her. She's been teasing you for seven months. You're sure of that now, and now she's telling you what you are and what to do?

"I have experience to give. Life experience. And the fact that you can't open your eyes to see that, makes you a little inexperienced," you fire back.

You try to get out of her grip. At this moment, she doesn't attract you. You just want to get out of here.

That is until she actually starts talking with her lips against your neck. God damn it you understand why all those girls fall for her. You know that technically you're one of them, though you'd like to think that with you it's different.

"Amy," she pleads. Although you don't know for what.

You want to kiss her now. Subconsciously you flip your head back just a little for her to get better access to your neck. You should kiss her. You totally can right now, probably. But what then? What will she think then? Will she think that you just kissed her to prove something to her? You want her to know. To really understand what you've been going through for the past seven months, before you kiss her. Because when you kiss her, you don't want her to doubt you. When you kiss her, you want to know if she wants you. You need to be certain of that. You just can't be one of 'them', you just can't. So you're not giving in, you decide.

That's what you tell her. Two can play this game. You lean in also and whisper half into her ear, half against her neck this time.

"Arizona." It's the first time you're calling her name out loud towards her. You like it.

"You can tell me I'm straight all you want, but you and I both know better. You know what this is. You know that I like you. You've been knowing that I like you. This...," you tell her while pointing between you two, at the end of the pointing your hand takes residence right under her breast. "This between us. You tell me what it is. Because people talk. They talk, and I've heard a lot of things about you. Apparently you sleep with every one, but then again I've never seen you leave this place with someone before. And you know what? Maybe I look. Yeah, I look at you. And I think about you when I close my eyes, and even when they're not closed, and when I fuck myself, and when..." Shit, you weren't supposed to even use that last one. You definitely weren't supposed to lower your voice during those last words.

Of course she picks up on that. Of course she just can't ignore that one.

"When you're what," she asks you.

You don't know what to tell her. She's smirking. Of course she is. You would be too if it was the other way around. You can do two things. You can run or you can kiss her. She won't suspect either of those two.

You need to choose fast. You need to choose now.

Your body turns around unwillingly to leave, and you feel her gripping your wrist once again. It's too much.

You jerk your body around and you kiss her.

* * *

 **A/N**

 **Sorry about the cliffhanger guys... you'll just have to review if you want me to continue.**


	4. Chapter 4 - Wanting the newborn

**Previous chapter**

 _"When you're what," she asks you._

 _You don't know what to tell her. She's smirking. Of course she is. You would be too if it was the other way around. You can do two things. You can run or you can kiss her. She won't suspect either of those two._

 _You need to choose fast. You need to choose now._

 _Your body turns around unwillingly to leave, and you feel her gripping your wrist once again. It's too much._

 _You jerk your body around and you kiss her._

* * *

 **Chapter four - Wanting the newborn**

 **Arizona's POV**

She kisses you. You expected her to defend herself. You expected her to leave. You didn't expect this. You feel her lips against your mouth, and you can't help but smile. She'll probably feel you smiling against her mouth.

She intrigues you. It's not like you haven't slept with a straight person before, you just feel that it's different with her. You know it was unfair of you to tell her that she's straight. You have no right to tell her who or what she is, or is not. And the newborn story is partially your rule, but she's already an exception. You knew it from the first moment she walked into this bar.

You can also feel it in the way she looks at you. Most of the time you can literally feel her eyes on you. Theoretically it should be creepy, but when she does it it's not.

You can also feel it in the way she kisses and touches you. She might be a newborn but she touches you like she knows how. Like she's been touching women for years. And the fact that she's not, it spurrs you on. You told her that you don't like that, that you don't like newborns but it makes you want her so much more.

It feels like she's starved. And maybe that's exactly what it's like for her. She's been starved for years and she's pouring everything that she is into you. Technically she's been deprived of the equipment that you posess, but she makes you feel like she's literally been deprived of you for 27 years. That even though you share the same equipment as every other women, and even though that might also be what she craves, it's also really _really_ you that she craves.

She turns around to kiss you. So now you're trapped against that wall you had her pinned against only minutes ago. You can't help but just let her do her thing. Maybe it's too soon for this. Maybe it's too much of a public show, but you just don't care. You let her feel you up. It's clear that she needs this. You're prepared to let her do all the things she wants to do to you. Maybe not here, you're going to stop this here any minute now and take it somewhere private, more private this. You two won't make it home if this keeps going on like this in the same speed.

She is so damn gay for you. You were already quite certain but now you really are. The first time her hand comes in contact with your boob, you hear her sigh in your ear. After she travels her hands to your ass. It's the same. She squeezes your cheeks. You hear her moan in your ear. A God damned satisfied moan.

You two need to get out of here. As much as you would like to let her keep going. You need to get out of here.

"Amy," you whisper to her softly. You need to stop this. You need to be the bigger person here. She's not going to stop this, and she hasn't thought this through.

This will be her first time with a woman. But not even that. You don't know each other. You haven't spoken to each other, like almost at all. You now it's a lie though. You do know each other, in some weird way. But what you do know is that even though this must feel good for her, you know it could be so much better if she gets all the time, the room, and the quietness, mostly the quietness, to explore you. To get to explore you.

You want to keep going, but you owe her this. After seven months of teasing her, yes; you know what you've been doing, you get to give her this. Even though she might not feel like you are giving her anything, once you stop her in a minute.

Just a minute, who could it hurt?

It could hurt her, because you know she wants to keep going. You know it because it will also hurt you. Thinking about stopping this already hurts you. You know you want her to keep going.

"We should..Uhh," she's kissing your neck just right. You want to tell her but then she does that thing wit her tongue. You hate that she's already found several of your weak spots. "We should what? Stop?" She asks you.

"Yeah," we should stop, you tell her while your hands wander all over her body from her stomach towards her breasts, and then finally one takes place in her neck. You pull her in more. Your body is not in sync with your mind. Your mind tells you that you should put a stop to this. Your body is asking her, pleading her to give you more.

She pulls her lips from you for a second and moves those gorgeous lips of hers towards your ear. "It doesn't feel like you want to stop, Arizona." She's fucking referring to the heat that she feels radiating from your core once she slips her leg between yours.

She's brave. She's confident in everything she does to your body, and you don't know where she got that confidence from. She's never touched another woman like she is touching you right now. How is it that she managed to get the upper hand in this? You should be the confident one. You should be the one that makes her feel good, not the other way around.

It's enough. This can't go any further than this. You've already let your body go too much.

"Stop, Amelia."

You tell her sternly this time and remove your head from her a little more so that she can look into your eyes, and she can see that you mean this.

"Not like this."

You don't give her much room to talk or to give a reaction towards what you just told her. You need to get out of here before you give in to her completely. You're sure that she just needs to say one right word to you and you're convinced. You'll keep going.

So you remove yourself from her completely, and you walk out. You don't tell your friends you're leaving. You just go. Once you're outside you stand against the wall with your head thrown back, trying to comprehend what happened tonight by breathing in some air before you can move yourself from this opportunity completely. You are outside but you can't go just yet. You know there is a very probable chance that she comes outside to chase you. You know that you should remove yourself from this wall also to prevent anything from happening once more.

You're too late. There she is, in her perfectly warm coat, and she even brought yours too. In the haste to get out you forgot that you even brought one.

"You forgot something," she tells you. You think she's referring to the coat that she is putting on you. You thank her for the coat. Once your safely and warmly tucked into your coat she leans in. "That's not what I meant, she whispers against your lips before she captures yours in another kiss.

"If you're going to leave me hanging with a huge lady boner the least you can do is kiss me goodbye, don't you think?"

God, she is going to be the death of you. You think in pictures, and now you're imagining what's in her pants and that it's probably wet, ready and waiting for you to be worshipped.

She's right. It's not nice of you to leave her hanging like this. You can do it to yourself, maybe. But to her? You need to have her.

She can tell that you're battling internally with yourself to let go.

She pulls you in by your collar and turns you around so that she is standing with her back against the wall once again. She's offering you the upper hand. You're a top. You love to be a top. But right now? It's pathetic really how much control she has over you. In your previous relationships and hook-ups you were pretty much always a top. Right now you already feel that with her it's going to be different. You'll gladly give up control for her. But she doesn't need to know that, yet. You don't want her to know how much power she holds over you already.

Wanting and reality are two different things though. You might not want her to know, but your body is giving you away the whole time.

You can see her opening her jeans. You just stare. Too afraid to do or say anything to her that might stop her from doing whatever it is that she's doing. She grabs your hand and pushes it into her pants. You're still not convinced to see this through though.

She's torturing you. It's pure torture to feel the warmth inside her jeans, and to know that her touching you has brought her into this state.

Your mind still tells you to pull away, and go home. Your body again protests. Your fingers automatically press against her clit.

You're so fucking weak.

Your fingers are pressing against her underwear, but you might as well be inside her underwear by the amount of wetness that you feel against them.

You know she wasn't lying when she was telling you about her lady boner. You can practically feel her clit throbbing against your fingers. You would give anything to press your tongue against her wetness right now. But it's not like you'll go on your knees for her. Why are you even thinking about getting on your knees? You never get on your knees. You love to get other girls on their knees. Not the other way around.

Here you are picturing yourself getting on your knees to taste her. It's not like you are really going to do it though. Not because you are never going to, or don't want to, but merely because you two are outside for the whole world to see. Nothing more, nothing less. If you guys would be in a private area, you probably would have. You can't kid yourself. The thought scares you and spurrs you on at the same time.

The pictures in your mind are getting the better of you and you move your fingers to get inside her underwear so that you can directly touch her.

She's holding your wrist to prevent you from getting out of her pants, and leave her in a state of no return. Because if she was already wet before, she's more than now... It's your own fault. Now you really can't leave her like this.

She's thinking the same thing. So she whispers to you sternly. "Don't."

You know she's not talking about you not doing any of this. She's talking about you not giving up on her, on this. She's telling you to go on.

Your fingers are still not moving, so she makes her words clear for you one more time.

"Don't leave me hanging, Arizona."

The way she says your name. It's too much for you. Your self control flies up into the sky once you hear your name fall from her lips one more time.

"Arizona."

You slip into her with two fingers, while your thumb takes residence on her clit. Her mouth falls open, and her eyes close.

Your own eyes roll into the back of your head once you feel her warm, wet walls around your fingers.

You look into her eyes the whole time you're taking her. Her blue eyes bore into yours with the same intensity. Every so often her eyes close for a second but she's always struggling to keep them open, and to look into yours while you're fucking her against the wall of that fucking bar that you both attented way too often for the past seven months to just get a glimpse of each other.

Now you're getting so much more than a glimpse. She's giving herself over to you completely. You take as much as she gives, but she still seems not totally convinced that you're going to see this through until she finishes. She's completely mad if she thinks otherwise. Even if you would want to stop, you couldn't. Her walls are clamping down on your fingers so tight that you couldn't even remove them from her if you wanted to. She's so close. You can tell not only by her walls constantly trying to pull you back in, but also by the fact that it's getting harder for her to keep her eyes open, and focused on you.

She throws her head back against the wall, maybe a little too hard but she doesn't seem to be bothered by it. Not now she is so close to release.

"Don't," she whispers to you once again.

"I wont, Amy." You tell her, and you can't help but put a full dimpled smile on your face while you keep fucking her.

You love to fuck women, but she takes the pleasure of fucking a woman to a whole new level for you. She's still holding on. You don't know how she does it. You would've already fallen over the edge. Who are you kidding? Even by fucking her like this you already feel yourself pretty close to that edge. She seems to need something more from you.

Instead of looking into your eyes she's looking at your lips right now. She's so fucking focused on your mouth you feel your own wetness getting more than uncomfortable. You want to taste her so bad. That just needs to wait for another time, another place.

You get that she's not looking at your mouth for that specific reason though. You know what more she needs from you before she lets herself go. You move your face closer to hers, but before you capture her mouth like she wants you to, you move your lips towards her ear one last time.

"Let go for me, Amy," you whisper, and before she can make a sound your mouth is already on hers, and the fact that her mouth is still hanging open slightly due to the little moans she lets out, it's easy for you to slip your tongue inside her mouth.

You moan against her mouth yourself when you feel her cumming on your fingers almost at the exact moment that your tongue slipped inside of her mouth without permission. You open your closed eyes yourself to withness her cumming for you.

You keep touching her softly until she calms down completely, and you get your hand out of her pants. You want to go back to kissing her with your hands in her neck, pulling her as close as possible. But before you do you suck her wetness off of your fingers. Once again you claim her mouth and slip your tongue inside directly. You hear her sigh when she tastes herself on your tongue.

She's so gay.

* * *

 **A/N  
**

 **So, there's that. I wasn't planning on writing smut so fast into the story, but I just couldn't help myself... If you want more, please review!**


	5. Chapter 5 - However you like

**Previous chapter**

 _You moan against her mouth yourself when you feel her cumming on your fingers almost at the exact moment that your tongue slipped inside of her mouth without permission. You open your closed eyes yourself to withness her cumming for you._

 _You keep touching her softly until she calms down completely, and you get your hand out of her pants. You want to go back to kissing her with your hands in her neck, pulling her as close as possible. But before you do you suck her wetness off of your fingers. Once again you claim her mouth and slip your tongue inside directly. You hear her sigh when she tastes herself on your tongue._

 _She's so gay._

* * *

 **Amelia's POV**

 **Chapter five - However you like**

It's been a week since Arizona had you against that wall. One whole week that has been torture for you. While she was fucking you she was so clearly very into it, and so into you, that you were a little surprised that right after she left like she was supposed to when she went outside in the first place. She didn't ask for your number. She didn't say goodbye. She didn't ask when you would meet again. She just left you standing there, properly fucked, by her.

You know it is her though. She seems to be struggling with her feelings, whatever those are, towards you. When she was fucking you those complications left her body for a little while, but around the fucking it was all too clear that she's doubting. Doubting herself, doubting you? You don't know yet. You think it's the first.

If her fucking you could speak for itself you'd say that she's indeed doubting herself, because she really wasn't doubting you. You could see it in those eyes that bore into you while she entered you knuckle deep with two fingers.

One thing is clear for you though. You are not going to let her get away this easily. Once again it's almost weekend, which means that there is a good chance that she will be visiting the bar after a long week of work at the hospital. And you are going to be there, demanding something from her. You don't know what yet, because you want a lot from her, but you are going to demand something.

Hurricane Amelia is on its way.

When you enter the bar it's already quite packed with people so you can just blend in, trying to find your friends at the same time as to see if Arizona is indeed there. You've already spotted your two sisters so you know you'll be in good hands tonight, if she happens to not be there. And at first it seems that she is indeed not there. You try to fight the feeling of disappointment, but it feels like all the energy has left your body once you've gained that information. Meredith has a feeling about what is going on and sends you to the bar to get some drinks for her and yourself, a beer might loosen you up a little.

You spot her at the bar though, but not in the way you would have wanted her to be here tonight. You wanted her to be looking for you as much as you're looking for her. It's a fantasy, you know it. You just can't help but feel disappointed when you once again realize that tonight already isn't going according your plan, or your fantasy that is.

She seems to be having fun. She's talking to another brunette, and is playfully trying to win her over. You can see through her bullshit from a mile away.

It's weird. In the past seven months you've never seen her hit on a girl like this, even though you know. No, you've heard about her reputation in the hospital. You couldn't really quite believe it until you've just witnessed it with your own eyes. Like you are now.

The brunette is standing with her back towards you. It's only a matter of time before Arizona notices you at the bar. You try to think of the options you have. Leave, stay, leave, stay. It's all a blur in your head. You hate that she has this power over you already. You can't even think straight. Huh, straight. Who are you kidding? You aren't straight. Not in the slightest.

You not being straight automatically has you thinking about Arizona fucking you against that wall. You hate the way that your mind works like that. In the last week you've jumped from almost every topic that has something to do with women, blondes, blue eyes, straight, fingers, tongue, mouth - once again, who are you kidding. You can almost relate every fucking topic towards that thought about Arizona fucking you - you go there, your brain goes there, all the time.

The fact that she's here after seven months not flaunting it in your face, flaunting it in your face a week after she's fucked you, it fuckes you up. It makes you angry. It makes her exactly like everyone described her to be like. You thought you knew a different her. You get to see a different Arizona. Even though you two might have spoken under fifty words towards each other in all those months. You felt like you knew her.

That's right, _felt like you knew_. By now you get the feeling that you were wrong all along, and she has tricked you the same way that she does those other girls. In the back of your head you keep thinking: if that is really true? Why in hell did she wait seven months? She could've had you against that wall within a week. You wouldn't have been that confident then, but she could have convinced you with those exact same charms that she's putting on that girl by the bar right now.

She spots you. In her blue eyes you think you recognize some sort of regret. It's just a flash. It was gone as soon as you thought you saw it.

You're not doing this with her. You realize that your face already gave you away, but you're not going to satisfy her by letting her know you feel like shit about this, not a minute longer than absolutely necessary. You were here to get some beers, so that's what you do. You order three of them and walk back towards your sisters.

For the first time in the past seven months you look around the bar to see who else is there. You try to see if there is anyone that spikes your interest even a little bit, aside from that blonde with her blue eyes at the bar of course. You scan for guys and girls. It's a habit, scanning for guys. You realize once your gaze lingers longer on any, every girl in this bar than the hottest guy that is around.

It just doesn't work for you anymore. The guy thing. You don't know why you even bothered in the first place? What's there to like? You've been experiencing that a lot lately. When you're talking with your friends you realize that you're no longer really interested in hearing about their sex lives, with men of course. You are interested in them, so you try to invest in the conversation, you just really don't feel yourself engage in it anymore. You're not part of that group anymore, on that front. It's as clear to them as it is to you. They realize that you ask less questions, less details and that you are just generally less interested.

You try though. You don't want them to feel like you're not interested in them, because you are. They are your friends. You just like different things now. You're the one that is different from before. They stayed the same.

You can feel Arizona's eyes burn in the back of your body. Even though she's here with somebody else, she's looking at you the whole time. You can feel it.

Still, her being here with somebody else, it effects you more than it should. It effects you more than you want. You can wait until your beer is finished, you just don't know why you should, if you really don't want to be here. So you put it on a table right behind you guys, and you excuse yourself from your sisters. Telling them something about an early day tomorrow morning, even though they know it's Saturday, and you're a fucking writer. You don't have early mornings, you have late nights with a glass of wine, an occasional cigarette, and a laptop.

You're trying your best to not be near to her when you walk out of the bar. You don't want her to see you leaving. It's no use though, you already know that she has been watching you the whole time, so of course she's going to see you leave. Still you figure it should be easy enough because she has a date with her, and you're walking out of reach from where she is standing.

But she doesn't seem to mind that tiny little detail one bit, you feel when she grabs your wrist from behind you. At first you don't even think about the possibility that it's her, because why should she? She's with her date, and they were standing no way near you.

"You're leaving," she states.

"Yeah, I am."

"Why?" She asks you.

"There's nothing here for me."

"What about your sisters?"

"I can see them at home."

"So... Why were you here then?" She's asking questions in the right direction. You don't want to answer those questions though.

"I'm not doing this again with you, Arizona."

She's got to be kidding. Like she doesn't know why you're here. Like she didn't expect you to come back for her. She fucked you against a wall. You know how good she is. She knows it too. And that is besides the fact that you like her. You've been pining over her. It's not _just_ sexual. Although you would really _really_ like to return the favor, so to speak.

"You know what? I'm just going to be real with you. I don't want to play this game with you anymore." Her blue eyes widen a little. It's clear that she didn't expect you to be this forward. But just as last week, apparently you don't find it as difficult with her as you thought. You'd figure that after seven months of pining after someone in silence, that you would be less forward. It's the other way around. You're sick of this. You've already wasted too much time with that silence. It's not going to bring you anywhere.

"I like you, Arizona. And yeah, that's why I'm here. Last week you fucked the shit out of me just outside of this building. And now I'm back. For you. Because I would like to fuck your brains out too, or at least try, seeing as you already know I'm a newborn. Or whatever you like to call it. But you clearly have other plans for tonight. So I'm just going to go, if you let me." In your last words you are pleading her to let you go. Literally but also not literally, because you want her to disappear from your mind also.

"Where," she asks you.

"What, where?"

"Where would you like to... How did you say it? Try to fuck my brains out?"

You're stunned. What is happening here? You don't know if she's serious. You also don't know if you should accept, seeing as she is here with someone else, and clearly not thinking about you the way you are thinking about her.

"You are here with someone, Arizona."

"So, I'll tell her I need to leave."

She is really serious. But you still need more from her.

"I like you, Arizona."

"I like you too, Amy."

"Then why?"

"What why?"

"Why did you bring her here? A week after... I mean. I know I have no right, and I've heard about you. I know this is who you are. But still, why? And mostly, why? Why would you want to go with me now, when you know how much I like you. Do you really care that little? That I am about to fuck you, my first woman ever, knowing how much I like you. And, and, knowing what you feel in return. Really?"

"I just told you that I like you, Amy. I don't say that to everyone."

"You just want to bed me," you answer. You know you're playing with fire.

"Amy, seriously. What the fuck do YOU want from me. Seriously?"

You look up. Tears forming in your eyes. You don't want her to see that this is effecting you. You did this. You gave her the opportunity to turn this around.

"Look at me," she tells you. Her tone is softer this time. She must have seen that you're struggling. You hate that she saw.

She's closer to you now. Holding you by your waist with one hand while she puts the other on your chin to make sure that you're really looking at her.

"What do you want from me," she asks you again. Softer this time. You can tell that she really wants to know.

"I like you," you tell her once again.

"Yeah, I know. So what do you want from me? Babe, you should be really fucking proud because I don't ask girls this question. Like ever. I don't give them an opportunity. It's just not who I am."

"I heard." You smile slightly because she just called you babe. You're a babe to her.

"But I am asking you... so I will ask you again. What do you want from me?"

"I want to explore you." Shit, you meant to say more. Of course you want to explore her, but you also want to explore _with_ her.

"I can live with that. But I'm guessing by that look on your face that _that_ isn't really what you meant to say?"

"I'd like to explore things with you."

"Things?"

"Stuff, yeah"

"Like? Sex stuff?"

Once again she's clearly toying with the fact that you're not really thinking clearly around her. You never are.

"No. I mean, yes. But also, no. Not _only_ sex stuff."

"I see."

"You do?"

"Yes. You want to get to know me. And, I'm guessing while we do that you don't want me to bring other girls here for you to see."

"Preferably, yes."

"Look, Amy. I like you. I really do. And I'm not just saying that. Because I don't just say that, and that also has a reason. I don't know how _this_ works. I haven't done _this_ in a while. But I would like to get to know you too."

"Oh."

"Really, that's all I get?"

You smile slightly, again.

"I will try not to flaunt girls in your face, here. But to be honest: that's all I can give you right now."

"Okay."

"Okay, then."

She leans into you more. You're trying to not think about the girl that she came with. She's still here, probably oggling you two. You're so glad that you're not her. She kisses you right behind your ear. You're not worrying about that other girl anymore.

"So lead the way, Amy. Take me wherever you like," she whispers in your ear. "However you want," she states. You didn't get the double meaning of her words until she did.

* * *

 **A/N**

 **So... I'm just going to leave this with you, here.** **You'll just have to wait a little longer for the good stuff. Leave a review, and who knows? Maybe I'll update a little faster...**


	6. Chapter 6 - How it tastes

**Previous chapter**

 _She leans into you more. You're trying to not think about the girl that she came with. She's still here, probably oggling you two. You're so glad that you're not her. She kisses you right behind your ear. You're not worrying about that other girl anymore._

 _"So lead the way, Amy. Take me wherever you like," she whispers in your ear. "However you want," she states. You didn't get the double meaning of her words until she did._

* * *

 **Amelia's POV**

 **Chapter six** **\- How it tastes**

Once you're outside you hail a cab for the two of you. You tell Arizona to give the cab driver her address. She looks at you like she's just seen a ghost.

"I actually never bring anyone home," she tells you.

You glare at her.

"But, you're not anyone, okay!?" That last word was more to convince herself than you, you suppose. You're going to take it anyway. She gives the cab driver her address.

Her place is so Arizona. The Arizona that you figure is somewhere deep inside of her. The Arizona that she can be if you dig deep enough. It's probably also the reason why she never brings anyone home with her. It's like you get a look right into her head, her heart.

"Do you want something to drink? A glass of wine maybe? I have a nice bottle of red," she aks and tells you.

"I can drink one glass," you tell her. If she's opening up her home, and therefore herself, to you like this, maybe you should too.

"You didn't drive to the bar did you?"

"Let's just say that me and alcohol aren't really friends. Or maybe it's that we're too good of friends."

"Ah, I see. I also have a lot of beverages without alcohol. You don't have to accept the wine, Amelia."

"I would like one glass, Arizona," you smile at her for being considerate. "I know my limits."

You can feel that by sharing this information with her, she immediately feels more at ease with you being at her place.

She hands you a glass of red, and you bring it to your mouth carefully. Before, when you went over the handle all the time, you didn't appreciate the taste anymore, not really. It wasn't about the taste. It was about the feeling that you got once you went over that line. It was about the fact that it made you forget. That it made you not think so much for once.

By setting the limit on two glasses of anything you've found yourself to appreciate the taste of the drink once again. Sometimes you still want to get over that line to just forget, for a moment. But you know how you will feel after, and you'll regret it. So you've learned how to appreciate the taste. And you savour it, more than anything else.

"It's good," you tell her.

"Yeah it is."

You look at her. You can see that her lips are still a little wet from the sip she just took. Once you've seen it you can't unsee it. You imagine how the wine will taste on her lips, in her mouth, on her tongue.

She probably sees your focus on her lips, because she's smiling all of the sudden.

A smile that probably means that if you want to, you probably can lean in and kiss that smile off her face. And replace it with a look of want. You're keen to find out if you are indeed really capable of it.

You bring your fingers towards her mouth and press your thumb against her lips. You look into her eyes, to look for some sort of permission even though you already know that you have it. You're sure that you're capable to create that look of want on her face for you, because she's already sporting it, maybe like half.

"Do it, Amy," she tells you when you're apparently not fast enough.

"Do what, Arizona," you ask her playfully.

"Well. We are at the wherever you like. So all there is now is the however you want. And don't tease, Amy. It doesn't suit you."

"See, that's where you're wrong. It doesn't suit YOU, Arizona."

You kiss her again. On the lips. It's more of a short peck.

"But, even though I really, really would like to get to the subject of exploring you... We're not going to do that tonight, Arizona."

"What? Amy what the hell!? You begged me to let you take me."

"Awh, it's cute how much you want me to do you. I've never pecked you for the begging type."

"That is not, I mean. That is not what's going on here. I'm just. I'm confused, and a little frustrated to be honest. I was looking forward to you exploring me."

"I am looking forward to it too, Arizona. And I thought that I could do this, explore you without the promiss from your side that you won't also get to explore others, still. But I'm not. Not really. I don't want to hurt myself, and I don't want to bring you in a position where you are able to hurt me, because I won't forget Arizona. I won't forgive you, and I won't forget. And I would like there to be a chance for us, it that's even reasonable considering that we don't know each other, and still I want this already. I know it's crazy, but I do. So... I'm not going to explore you right now. Because when I do, I am going to like it. And you are going to like it, but not enough to stop sleeping with other women immediately."

"Then, what is going to happen now? What do you want?"

"We are going to get to know each other, if that is still what you want without the promiss of sex right away. And I am going to make you want me so much, that you won't even think about sleeping with other people once I'm done with you."

"O-o-kay. I think"

"You think?"

"I'd like to see you try."

"Try?"

"Amy, I'm sorry. I like you, I do. And I told you I wanted to try this with you, but that was when we agreed that I would also get to be me. I don't know how to do this Amy."

"I know, I know you don't. You don't have to explain yourself to me. And it's on me if it backfires when I'm not capable of making you want this so much that you won't want anything, or rather anyone, else. It's a risk I'm willing to take. But please just give me a chance. It's not a promise. Just a chance for me to get to know you, and for you to get to know me, and just see where it will go from there."

"Without sex," she asks you. Maybe it should bother you, how much she's focused on the sexual part of everything, but you can't help but find it endearing.

"You know. There's a lot of fun stuff in getting to know each other _other_ than sex. Who knows, maybe you'll even learn to enjoy them. Just like I'm enjoying the taste of wine more than the feeling it gets me when I drink too much of it? I never thought that I could, or I would want that again. But I do."

Once again you open up to her, and it's working. Even though that's not your motive for opening up to her.

She leans in and kisses you on your lips. "That is still alright, is it," she asks you once she's distanced herself from you again. "More than," you answer before you reach for her and immediately slip your tongue into her mouth, just like she did to you when she was fucking you against that wall.

You know you've just told her that sex would be out of the question for a while, but that doesn't mean that your body doesn't respond to her, to this.

While your mind tells you to take this easy, your body is telling you a whole other story. Once you're satisfied exploring the insides of her mouth you pull her bottom lip between your teeth, and after you sooth it with your tongue. The taste of her is driving you insane with want.

Your hands also live their own story. They take residence under her shirt. You're touching her belly with your bare hands, stroking softly right up until just under her breasts. You're dying to take them into your hands, bury your face in them. Do all kinds of stuff with your mouth to them. You're trying hard not to though.

So you divert your mouth to her neck instead, you're getting closer but still in safe distance from what you really want to do to her. You kiss up to her ear. You kiss right behind it before you take her earlobe into your mouth and scrape the outside of her ear with your teeth.

"Amy," she says to you pleading. Pleading to go on, pleading you to stop? You don't know. You guess both, if you really think about it.

"Yes baby?" The nickname slips from your mouth naturally. As if you've said it to her a thousend times already.

"What are you doing to me," she asks you. You hear the double meaning of that question also. Because you know what you are literally doing to her, she knows it too but you doubt that _that_ is what she's asking you.

"If you're trying to make me want you, you've succeeded. I already wanted you Amy."

You whisper into her ear. "I'm not making you do or want anything. I'm just. I'm trying not to do what I want to do to you."

She clenches her fists when you once again slip your tongue into her mouth forcefully. She distances herself from you a little and pushes her forehead against yours.

"You're making me crazy, Amelia. You need to make up your mind, because you're telling me one thing, and then you're kissing me and touching me like that... Your mind is telling me to fuck off, and your body is pleading me to take you right here right now. And I want to, so so much. And I can't believe I'm saying this, but I also don't. Because I want to do this right, with you. To not screw this up, and by giving in to this I think I will be screwing it up already. Even though I have a feeling that you won't stop me if I do give in."

"Okay, so... I guess that is my clue to leave then."

"You don't have to."

"Yeah, yeah I do. Because you are right. This is not fair to you. If I stay here even five minutes longer I'm going to be all over you again, and it's getting harder for me to let my mind speak louder than my body. So I need to leave, to indeed give you that chance of proving yourself to me."

"When am I going to see you again?"

"You know where to find me, Arizona. You've known for months now. I suggest you just talk to me the next time though. No more dancing around each other. And maybe not bring a date there, you know. Seeing that I want to be that date."

"I'll keep that in mind. And if you don't mind... I'm going to take a cold shower now."

"You can also take a normal shower. You know, and just take care of it," you suggest and try not to blush at what you are implying. Your mind is still in the gutter, you can't help it when she's around.

* * *

 **Arizona's POV**

 _She's so fucking adorable. Suggesting for me to take care of myself because she's been winding me up all night. But she won't have sex with me, yet. She is going to be the death of me._

"Are you, you know... Going to do _that_ once you get home," you ask her. Intrigued what her answer will be.

"Maybe," she answers.

"You so are. Do you remember that one time at the bar where you told me that you think of me when you close your eyes, and when you don't. And when you're fucking yourself..."

"You remember that, huh?"

"Hard to forget."

"Everything you say is hard for me to forget, Amy."

"Wow. You're really quite the charmer, aren't you? Keep this up, and you might get into my pants again sooner than you think."

"See, that is the thing. With you I'm not trying to be charming. I'm not thinking about what I'm saying before I say it, and that means that whatever I say is exactly what I'm feeling in that moment. I am not trying to charm you Amelia. It goes naturally with you. I haven't experienced that in a long _long_ time. If anything else, you have to believe that. I really hope you do, because otherwise you're selling yourself short."

"I really, _really_ like you too Arizona. And you've told me that you're not good at any of this. But considering what I've seen so far. I think you'll manage."

She kisses you again shortly in the opening of the door to your humble abode.

"So I'll see you..." You ask her.

"When you'll see me."

"Can I get your number in the meantime, you know... in case I'd like to send you something to help you once you get home, for example."

You know it's a long shot. It's the deliberate charmer in you that rises once again.

"Bye, Arizona."

"Wait! Really, I can't even get your number."

"Be creative, you'll think of something," she answers you.

Creative. You can do that.

* * *

 **A/N**

 **Here's another chapter. Hope it was fast enough for you guys. Amelia is slowly breaking Arizona's walls down. But it's not like Arizona is going to get it straight right away. She is going to make mistakes... She can't change her ways overnight.**


	7. Chapter 7 - Call on me

**Previous chapter**

 _"Can I get your number in the meantime, you know... in case I'd like to send you something to help you once you get home, for example."_

 _You know it's a long shot. It's the deliberate charmer in you that rises once again._

 _"Bye, Arizona."_

 _"Wait! Really, I can't even get your number."_

 _"Be creative, you'll think of something," she answers you._

 _Creative. You can do that._

* * *

 **Amelia's POV**

 **Chapter seven - Call on me**

 _ **Unknown number:** **Did I miss out on the fun already?**_

 _ **Amelia: Who is this?**_

You know it is her though. But you're not going to engage in this conversation until you know for sure.

 _ **Unknown number: [image attached]**_

She's going to make good on her promise about sending you something to enjoy for you when you're participating in some well known self service, when she's involved. To be honest. You've been repressing your horniness from the moment you walked out of her house and into the cold night air. But once you see her beautiful face, with those sexy dimples in that attachement, you're done for.

 _ **Amelia: I see that you're making good on your promise. I didn't tell you I would participate in this though...**_

You put her number in your phone before she texts you back.

 ** _Arizona: That is why I sent you a selfie of my face, not my boobs._**

She's confident. You like, and you hate that about her. Right now you like it though. Because she's talking about your favorite part, two parts, of her body. Up until now that is. You haven't let yourself discover more.

 _ **Amelia: How did you get my number so fast anyway?**_

 _ **Arizona: I work at the same hospital as your sisters, remember?**_

You laugh. Of course you remember. Mostly your sister Meredith never lets you forget.

 ** _Amelia: I see. I should've known that Mer would be that willing to sell me out._**

 ** _Arizona: You never answered my question by the way. Am I too late for the fun?_**

 ** _Amelia: Depends on what you call fun. The walk home? The avoiding my two sisters once I got home part, or the getting ready for bed part?_**

 ** _Arizona: The last one is getting in the right direction._**

 ** _Amelia: Then I'm guessing that in your words you're still on time. I'm just turning in._**

 ** _[incoming call - Arizona Robbins]_**

 _Hi, Arizona._

 _Heyy._

There's a pause for about a minute where neither of you say anything.

 _You do know that you're the one that called me right? Usually that is because you have something to say..._

 _Uh yeah. Sorry. It's just. I have something for you, and in your texts I couldn't really figure out if you would want for that something to be sent to you. So yeah. I thought I'd just call, and I don't know. Ask you or something._

She's really adorable. One moment she's confident and right now she's doubting herself.

 _And what would that something be exactly, Arizona._

 _Ugh, I really should've thought this through before I called you. Can we just go back to texting?_

 _That is up to you. I'm not going to hang up on you._

 _Right, okay. In that case; ihavesomethingforyouthatmighthavesomethingtodowithmyboobsandapictureandthatmighthelpyougetyourselfoffhopefullyifyou'reinterestedtextmeso._

She hangs up on you immediately after. You need a minute to figure out what she just said to you. She was talking so fast that you couldn't keep up. It plays in your head three times before it really lands, what she was saying. You look at the time that your call ended. Three minutes ago. That must have already been three very long minutes for her, waiting for you to text her something, or nothing. Because that would also be an answer.

 _ **Amelia: Interested.**_

You're not going to give her more. It's enough. Now you'll just have to wait for what she has to offer you.

 _ **Arizona: [image attached]**_

It's more or less the same picture she sent you before, except for the camera that has its focus a little lower. Her dimples are still visible but the rest of her face is not. You can see more of her skin. Her very bare skin. That is up until her breasts. She's still wearing a shirt, and a bra. But she chose to reveal one of her boobs to you by lowering her shirt on one side with her hands. She's wearing a black lace bra. It's very see through. You can see her pink rosy nipple. The image is making you bite your lip so hard you almost draw blood.

You realize that you're going to have to send a reaction to her. You don't want her to think that you don't want to respond, or even worse, that you don't like the material she sent you. Because you do, you really do. You can't wait to be in that situation in real life, and to get to really do something about it, to do something to her body that will be on full display for you.

You don't fully think it through, but you press the call button before you do start thinking about it, and chicken out.

 _ **[outgoing call - Arizona Robbins]**_

 _Hi_

 _Hi_

 _So, what did you think?_

 _Ah, I like it._

Once you open your mouth a second time you realize immediately that you're already breathing a little labored. It might have something to do with tha fact that once you've tasted that blood on your lips you figured you should do something about the state she brought you in. So you slipped your hand into your underwear and got to work.

Of course she picks up on it right away.

 _You do, huh?_

 _Yup._

You keep your answers short. She doesn't need to know how fast you're unraveling. It's pathetic, really.

 _So, are you calling me to just tell me that you liked it. To thank me, or do you need something more from me?_

 _More like?_

 _I don't know. A little bird has told me that the fun part has started. Maybe I'd like to join in._

 _If we would than I could have just as well explored you tonight, Arizona._

Explore her. Your mind goes to the image right away. It isn't helping the state that you are in.

 _Okay. I'm joining in anyway, but we don't have to talk about that if you don't want to. Just know that I am, you know: joining. You do realize that you are the one that suggested this is the first place right? You're a little minx, Amy. You're all broody, and in your own head, and that alone makes you so fucking sexy, but you're also a little tease. So a_ _t least give me this. Tell me what you really think of the picture. Somehow I think that your 'I like it' doesn't really cover it._

Hearing her talk does enough for you. It brings you closer and closer to the edge. You also realize that if you don't hang up now that you're not able to end this conversation without her hearing you moan, at least a little. Because you're trying really hard to keep quiet.

 _What do you want to hear?_

 _I don't know. Whatever you want to give me, except for your labored breathing and those cute little moans, I'm already pretty happy with those._

 _Arizona. If you're going to mock me like that I'm going to hang up now._

 _No, don't. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. But I really like hearing you Amy. I can't wait to hear more._

You know Arizona wants to hear more about what you thought of that picture she sent you. You just don't know how to say the words, to literally get them out of your mouth. You think about just hanging up and texting her an answer. It would be less scary that way. There is another silence present. You need to decide now. Tell her that you liked seeing more of her skin. That you would like to see much more if it, if you had anything to say about it. Tell her that you liked seeing her like that so much that you couldn't get your hand into your pants fast enough. Tell her that you can't wait to suck that stiff nipple into your mouth. You can't wait to really feel what it's like to feel that hard nipple in your mouth. How it feels to brush your wet lips across it. How her nipple feels against your tongue; how she tastes, how she would react when you sink your teeth into them carefully. You're not brave enough to tell her this over the phone though.

You hang up. And you immediately text her a 'Hi' just so she knows that you're still there. You just choose this form of communication between you two. It's safer, you think.

 ** _Amelia: I would like to see more._**

 ** _Arizona: Really? Demanding already? You hang up on me, and you think I'm going to send you more?_**

 ** _Amelia: Yes._**

 ** _Arizona: Bold, I like it. Alright, I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt. One thing though. You need to tell me what you want to see._**

 ** _Amelia: Ugh, really._**

 ** _Arizona: Yup. You're not going to get me naked that easily Amy. You've wasted that chance already. You need to tell me exactly what you want to see, and why. Or I won't put out._**

 ** _Amelia: Never mind._**

 ** _Arizona: Oh, come on Amy. You know you want to. I already heard you struggling on the phone. That was about ten minutes ago. You didn't stop touching yourself. I know you didn't. So I know you're close, and you need me to send that little something extra to push you over the edge. Just admit it._**

You give in.

 _ **Amelia: Your boobs. I need to see them.**_

 _ **Arizona: You need to, huh?**_

 _ **Amelia: Don't, Arizona. Just send it to me.**_

 _ **Arizona: You still need to tell me why you want to see them.**_

 _ **Amelia: I already told you. I need to see them.**_

 _ **Arizona: That's not going to cut it. I need more.**_

 _ **Amelia: Fine. I need to see them because the fact that I let my chance slip away tonight is killing me, Arizona. I know I needed to, but that doesn't mean that my body agrees. I'm aching for you. To see you, to touch you. To touch them...**_

 _ **Arizona: [image attached]**_

They aren't contained by anything anymore. No shirt, no bra. Just her boobs. And her nipples, ugh. They are stiff. You don't see goosebumps. You know she's not cold, she's horny. She's probably been making them hard for you, for this picture.

 ** _Arizona: Hope that this is enough to finish the job. Good night, Amy._**

On one hand you're not happy that she's apparently done texting, but on the other you're happy that you can indeed finally 'finish the job'. You've been on the edge quite some time now, and her picture is more than enough to get you over that edge.

* * *

 **Arizona's POV**

 **The next night...**

Alex has talked you into going to the bar again tonight. You've been waiting the entire day for a text of your dark haired/blue eyed possible lover.

The whole day you've found yourself desperately in need of something that has to do with her. You want to know how she is, and how she's feeling about last night. There's a tiny part of you that feels like maybe you've come on too strong with the texting, the calling and the attachements. You want to ask her, but also not because you're a little afraid of the answer.

So you might as well indeed visit that bar with your good buddy Alex. Who knows, maybe she's even there, or else he is there to distract you from those thoughts about her.

They go on, and on. These thoughts about her. You don't know what to do with yourself. You're never like this. You suspect that this must be what other girls must feel like with you though. You've heard it often enough, you just never cared.

You do now. You care; about her. Whatever that may mean. Over the past week you've found yourself caring about what she thinks of you. It's weird, because she has told you the exact same things that you've been hearing for years, from girls. It just never landed with you until she said those words.

You're a player. You don't do it on purpose. You don't want to hurt girls. You're always honest with them, you can't help it that they fall in love with you anyway. No matter how many times you've warned them not to.

You're afraid that you might lose yourself with her. Because it's not like you purposely chose to be a player. It's just easier for you. Not feeling anything. It feels like you're in control of your life, your feelings. You don't like giving someone else the control over your feelings. You've been there once before, and it didn't end well.

You thought you'd never get over it. You barely did. Deep down you know that you actually didn't get over it, not completely. It's just that you didn't realize until she was there. All those months ago, letting you feel all kinds of things. She's making you feel more and more. At first you were keen to get her near you. You know how to seduce, and you used that against her, together with that natural charm that apparently is only reserved for her.

Yesterday you almost screwed it all up, already. By bringing another girl to the club. She doesn't mean anything to you, as cruel as that sounds. It's easy, with her. With those types of girls. You don't have to think about them when you don't want to, and you surely don't. With her it's different. It's like you have no control over whether you think about her or not.

You've llured yourself right into a trap. She already thought you were a slut, and you've just proven her right. You hate yourself for it. But still. There has to be something here... Because even though she tells you you are a player, and she knows you are. She also still tells you that she likes you, and that she hopes that it's different with her.

And it is, it really is. You just have to start proving yourself to her. You can't do that when you're sleeping with other girls. It will drive her away, eventually. She's already given you the benefit of the doubt. You're not sure that she will again once you screw up, again. You probably will. You know yourself well enough for that. You just don't want to, screw it up. And that has got to count for something...

* * *

 **A/N**

 **So that's it for now. If you want me to continue you have got to start reviewing... Don't forget to read the update from yesterday!**


	8. Chapter 8 - She's the reason

**Previous chapter**

You've llured yourself right into a trap. She already thought you were a slut, and you've just proven her right. You hate yourself for it. But still. There has to be something here... Because even though she tells you you are a player, and she knows you are. She also still tells you that she likes you, and that she hopes that it's different with her.

And it is, it really is. You just have to start proving yourself to her. You can't do that when you're sleeping with other girls. It will drive her away, eventually. She's already given you the benefit of the doubt. You're not sure that she will again once you screw up, again. You probably will. You know yourself well enough for that. You just don't want to, screw it up. And that has got to count for something...

* * *

 **Arizona's POV**

 **Chapter eight - She's the reason**

She's standing there, in that bar. Not the way you wanted to see her though. There's a guy standing next to her. Automatically your mind goes there. You don't want it to, but it happens. She's a baby lesbian. Maybe she's not even there, being a baby, maybe it's just a phase.

Deep, deep down you know your mind shouldn't go there. It's not fair of you. You know she's not a baby. Not if she had anything to say about it. You just make her out to be. And she hates you for it. But seeing her standing there with that guy, it does something to you. You want to yell at her. You want to punch him, and you want to yell at her.

You're not fun company for Alex in those first minutes. He hands you a glass of wine, and you down it almost in one go. Maybe you can cope better with seeing your crush when you down some more. Maybe not. Probably not.

You still do it though. You down one more. Alex tells you to slow down. You don't want to.

What do you do with yourself? You don't know. You grab your phone because you don't know what else to do. Alex is talking to some other dude because you're not giving him any of your attention.

She texted you. You've got a bunch of them, texts. Ten, to be exact.

While you were trying to figure your shit out, she has texted you ten times. In a short span of maybe one or two minutes.

She's desperate. The texts are desperate. She's trying to get you to help her, trying to get her away from that guy you've been worrying about. If only you've been more confident. If only you trusted her more, trusted yourself more. You could've helped her right after the first text. Maybe a text wouldn't even been needed if you'd just got up and talked to her instead of ignoring her the first chance you got.

There's no way out now though. Even though you feel like a complete fool, it's not like you're going to let her stand there with that guy, especially because she doesn't want to. That much is clear.

You need to get your act together, fast.

You walk up to her. You muster up all the courage you can get before you reach her and put on a brave face.

"Hey babe," you tell her.

She looks at you, a little confused maybe but she's trying not to let on. Even though she doesn't know what you're planning. She trusts you more than she trusts him. That much is clear.

The 'hey babe' is quickly followed up by a kiss on her mouth from your side.

You pull her in by her waist. She's probably confused as hell, but you also know that she wanted you to help her. And this is what you could think of in the short span of time you had between her texts and you being here by her side.

The guy doesn't seem that surprised though. This isn't how you greet your normal friends, doesn't he see that?

"Sorry I'm late. Work got a little hectic," you tell her.

She's catching up on you.

"That's okay baby, no worries; we got all night," she tells you.

You wish. You wish that what she just told you was right. That you indeed have all night with her. But then again, this might be all that you get tonight, so you should just make the most of it.

You kiss her again. Proper this time. Well, not so proper actually. Not in those terms. You kiss her more firmly. Tongues are involved. He can't argue with this kiss. This surely isn't how you kiss your friends. This is how you kiss your lover. Your very hot lover that is a baby lesbian who really isn't a baby because she's constantly bringing you over that edge. If only she knew how much power she has over you.

She kisses you back just as eagerly.

You've been overreacting. That much is clear. She wants this just as much as you do, and you've been playing it down. Last night was proof of how much she wants this.

"Let's dance, shall we." You tell her more than ask her, and know that she'll eagerly accept, even if it's just to get away from that guy.

Once you are out of his sight, you expect you guys to go back to 'normal'.

She doesn't let go of you. She holds your hand tightly and leans in to your body more than your other friends would normally do when you hold their hand to not lose each other in a bar full of people.

Once you're on the dance floor, she's visible more herself. More at ease.

"Well, that was something." She opens the conversation. "Why didn't you jump in sooner?"

You don't know how to answer that question. You don't suspect where she is going with this until she speaks again.

"Couldn't you tell that I didn't want to talk to him?"

You open your mouth to say something, anything. Words just don't come out. You hate how stupid you are reacting when she's around you. Most of the time it's like you're the baby lesbian, more than the other way around.

"You weren't jealous, were you?" She asks you playfully while she leans into your body more. Bringing her mouth to your neck as if she has all the right in the world to do that to you. She probably doesn't even think about what she's doing. She probably just figures that this kind of touching is okay with you. And who are you kidding; it is, so you don't know why you are thinking about this when she's working your neck like that.

"I'm not jealous. I'm never jealous."

You try to tell her. It comes out of your mouth but you don't even believe the words yourself. You're not that crazy to believe that she will believe them.

"Okay. You're never jealous. So, you wouldn't mind if I would be kissing someone else's neck like I'm kissing yours."

"Well if you want to. I guess I couldn't say anything about that. I'd rather have you kissing mine though." You tell her. You still don't believe yourself. And this time you even hope that she still doesn't believe you either. Because you're being destructive. You're going to mess this up if she's asking more of those questions, and you keep answering them like you don't care. Because you do.

You do care, a lot. More than you should, probably. After such a short span of time.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," you tell her. "I'd rather talk about last night. You didn't let me know if the picture helped, for example."

Flirting. That you can do.

She sighs into your neck. She's probably blushing by you mentioning that very naked picture you sent her last night to help her get off.

"Don't do that," she tells you more than asks you.

"Do what," you ask her.

"Make me talk about it. It was hard enough over the phone. I'm not about to talk about it to you now, here."

"Okay. Fair enough. Just answer yes or no's okay. Can we do that?"

"Yes," she answers you.

You spin her around. There's music playing. You guys should at least try to blend in more.

You're sort of swaying to the music. You pull her body into you more so that her ass comes in contact with your front. She's a little smaller than you are. She fits there perfectly.

When you talk to her you put your mouth right next to her ear. It's hard for you to decide what to ask her first. You want to know if the picture helped her. You want to know how she got off exactly, for research purposes. You want to know what she liked about the picture. You know she's not going to answer all of them. You can't get that far with yes or no questions. You have to start somewhere though.

"Did you like the picture I send you?"

"Yes."

"Did you use it?"

"Yes."

"Did it help."

"Yes."

"How?"

"Arizona"

"Ugh, fine."

Two can play this game. The fact that she doesn't want to talk graphic doesn't mean you don't want to.

You start kissing her neck and her ear lightly.

"You liked seeing my tits, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"Do you like to seem them again?"

"Yes."

"For real."

"You already know that I do, Arizona."

"Nu-uh. Yes or no's, remember."

"No. I'm just kidding. I like you, Amy."

"I know. You've told me."

"Yeah. I know that I've told you. But I also know that you know about my past, and that might be a reason for you to not really believe me."

"Arizona. This isn't about you. I already knew about you before I started persuing you. I already told you. It doesn't bother me. I just like to be different to you."

"You are."

"I'd like to think so. But that still doesn't mean that I'm going to sleep with you now. As much as I want to, and believe me: I do. If I sleep with you now you don't have a reason to be with me anymore."

"You really think that?"

You're slipping away. She tells you all the right things. But deep inside you feel that she doesn't believe that with her it's different. She doesn't believe it as much as you feel it. And it hurts you. She hurt you.

"Arizona," she tells you. Pleading. But you're already gone.

"You know what? Just because I sleep with a lot of women, doesn't mean that I don't feel. It doesn't define me, Amy. I thought that if anyone would understand that, understand me. It would be you."

You need to walk away right now. You've opened yourself up to her, almost immediately. And right now she doesn't seem to see that, even more appreciate it. This is exactly why you don't do this, open yourself up to anyone. When you do, you get hurt.

You want to scream at her. Make her understand, but at the same time you hate that you even need to make her understand. Deep down you know that you sleeping with a lot of women doesn't exactly make you a appropriate suitor as a girlfriend of some sorts. But still. According to your track record, she kinda has to know that she's different to you. That all of this is you trying hard.

"I don't need this, Amy. Do you really think that if I just wanted to bed you I couldn't have already. Oh newsflash. I already did, you idiot. I already fucked you, and it doesn't make me want to fuck you any less. I wish it did. And what's even more weird. It doesn't make me want to be with you any less. With, or without sex. I don't care. And that Amelia, scares the shit out of me. So thank you for putting those scary thoughts to rest. Thank you for giving me an out."

"Arizona..." She tries after she sees you walking away.

You're not easy. Despite what she might think, you are fighting for her. She needs to start fighting too.

* * *

 **Amelia's** **POV**

This isn't how it's supposed to go. You wanted to move forward with her. You can't point your finger on where it went wrong. You know which words triggered this, but you don't know how this all went wrong in your head. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

You like her, so much. It was your insecurity talking, nothing less and nothing more. You figure that you might have touched a sore spot with her. You weren't meaning to. Deep down you know that she's trying with you. You've heard so many people talking about her, and every time you do you get the feeling that they are talking about a whole other person than the Arizona that you've gotten to know, because with you she's nothing like the person that they are talking about. She's different with you.

You hate that your insecurity is the reason that she's walking away. You guys 'know' each other for a really short time. But you've been pining over her for so much longer, and even though that sounds kind of pathetic, it isn't. Because even in that time she has given you so much. She made you see who you really are. She's the reason that you're more yourself now than you've ever been. She's the reason that you're so fucking happy now.

You would be more happy if you would truly be with her, but still. This is the happiest you've been in your life. And it's a fucked up situation. Because how in hell can you be this happy when you're an alcoholic and your brother died. You've dealed with some fucked up situations your whole life. And you're not an happy person over all. You're far from it. But ever since she's made you see reason, you feel some kind of hapiness that you've never felt before. She's made you whole, if that's possible; she's the only missing piece.

And it's not per se that she is that piece of the puzzle that is missing. She opened your eyes. She made you see. Before you knew that you were gay that puzzle wasn't even half there. There was a huge part missing. You've found that part now.

If anything, you're so greatful to her for that. You're so fucking proud that you like women, and that is all on her.

You constantly want to thank her for it. To really thank her for it. Instead you hurt her. That look on her face said you did hurt her, you think. Going after her might not be a good idea.

You're not known for having good ideas though, so you do go after her. This time you are going to be the one to corner her against that wall of this fucking bar.

* * *

 **A/N**

 **Here's an update! Thanks for all the kind reviews, keep 'm coming and I will keep the chapters coming...**


	9. Chapter 9 - Us is real

**Previous chapter**

And it's not per se that she is that piece of the puzzle that is missing. She opened your eyes. She made you see. Before you knew that you were gay that puzzle wasn't even half there. There was a huge part missing. You've found that part now.

If anything, you're so greatful to her for that. You're so fucking proud that you like women, and that is all on her.

You constantly want to thank her for it. To really thank her for it. Instead you hurt her. That look on her face said you did hurt her, you think. Going after her might not be a good idea.

You're not known for having good ideas though, so you do go after her. This time you are going to be the one to corner her against that wall of this fucking bar.

* * *

 **Chapter 9 - Us is real**

 **Amelia's POV**

Halfway through her journey outside you catch her by her wrist. She keeps walking at first. You're quite sure that she knows that it's you tugging on her wrist. And she's not going to give in that easily.

"Arizona," you call her by your name again.

You don't know if she hears you or that if she's pretending that she doesn't... but she's not acknowledging you. Not in the slightest.

She's still walking, and you're gripping her wrist like your life is depending on it. At first she tries to get you to let her go, but you don't. And after a few seconds she stops trying. You'll take whatever you can get. Once you two are outside she has to hear you out, you don't have to scream over the music anymore to make her hear you.

Once you're outside she makes you let her go, but you're not giving up that easily. You grip her by her waist instead of her wrist this time, and push her against that same wall she had you up against about a week and a half ago.

"You need to listen to me," you tell her. It's probably wise to just start speaking to her but in some way you need her to tell you that she is willing to listen. You need to make sure that she does listen to you before you start speaking.

"What I said came out all wrong," you start.

"I know that I'm different to you."

"Pff, don't flatter yourself Amy."

"Don't play this down Arizona. It doesn't suit you, not with me."

"Even if that is right, you just screwed it up by reminding me why I don't do this," she points between you two to make her point come across.

"It's not supposed to be like this. Let me prove myself to you."

You touch her cheek, trying to get her to look in your eyes. To make her see that you mean this.

"This," you motion between the two of you, "between us is real. I know that you can feel it too."

"I'm sorry." You also tell her. "I shouldn't have said what I did. I didn't mean it, Arizona. It was my insecurity talking, nothing more. It doesn't say anything about how I feel about you or who I think you are. It says more about me. Please believe that. You're not the only one that was afraid to screw this up you know... I know that you think that you are the reason that this relationship, that any relationship isn't going to work for you because you are going to screw it up. But I already know that you are going to be so much better at it than me. I'm a trainwreck, Arizona."

You go on. You're not done convincing her to fight for this, for you.

"You look at me like we're the same age and we could have fun. And I might have made the same mistake if I were you, but we're not the same age; I'm about 100 years older than I look."

She seems to look at you now. You've caught her attention completely. She doesn't say anything to you.

You don't blame her. You've probably dropped a huge bomb on her. You've made this much heavier than it is, or at least for her you think. Because whatever you just said; you feel all of that, and more.

It's better to go down fighting than to just give up like that. But you realize that dropping this information on her like it's nothing might have scared her away.

You look into her eyes, trying to see if she is still there with you.

She is. She's not gone yet.

Can you kiss her? Lean into her more? Will she accept that now after you put everything on the table, so to speak.

Did you convince her to give you another chance. That is what you want to know. And you will know once you dare to lean in.

Do you dare?

You don't have to dare. She's daring enough for you both.

Apparently what you said worked, because she pulls you in by your neck and she pulls your bottom lip with her own lips.

"Take me home," she tells you.

It's pretty clear what she means. People can argue if sex would be appropriate right now, this early in the relationship, or just because you're a baby lesbian, whatever. You kinda don't care.

You won't let her slip between your fingers this time. You don't care what anyone says or thinks. You're taking her home.

You get what you are given, and it might be wonderful, and it might be painful, or it might be both.

She's probably still waiting for an answer. You kiss her before you speak.

"I'd love to."

You realize that you live with your sisters. You do. You just don't really care what they might think or throw at you. Arizona is more important right now.

You do hope that you two can slip into your room without too much bother, but if not. Then so be it. You're done being careful. Being careful hasn't brought you anywhere. Being bold, being yourself, being Amy - gets you somewhere. You feel like yourself when you write. Every letter you put on paper is who you are. You write to give yourself strength, to be the character that you are not, that you want to be, and to explore all the things that you are afraid of.

You write because you need to write, because writing will hopefully mend something broken inside of you or bring you back to life. But ever since you met Arizona. You don't need to anymore, not so much as first. In a way she's bringing you to life. Putting words to paper only helps you until it doesn't. And it's not enough anymore. It's time to be brave enough to put your written words into action.

On the way home you make sure that she knows you want this, you want her. You keep contact with her at all times. Touching her hand, just walking into her a little bit and even wrapping your arm around her waist, as she's a little taller than you. Though you would like to wrap your arm around her shoulders, protective but also kind of possesive.

You're going to step up, make her feel wanted. Make her want this, you. You owe it to her, but mostly you owe this to yourself.

Once you're home you still never let go of her hand. She won't have to question if you still want this, or if this is a good idea considering you live with your sisters. You just do.

You get to your room without any interruptions, and slip her in as fast as you can. Not because you don't want anyone to see you with her, but you've just simply waited long enough. You're done waiting.

She looks through your room, probably trying to match the things that she knows about you with how your room is decorated, seeing if she really knows you that well. You think she does, you've been pretty honest with her from the beginning.

Your desk has a prominent place in your room because you spend a lot of your time writing, anything really. Just because you're not writing a new book right now, doesn't mean that you're not writing. You're kinda always writing. To make sense of it all, to make sense of the world. Because maybe when you put the words in your head on paper you understand them better. Or at least they're not just in your head anymore. They're more real. You can make sense of them better than when they're just in your head.

Luckily your drabbles are always well hidden away for other people's eyes, because you might be ready for a lot of things with Arizona but you're not ready for her to see your writing. To see right into your head. She already gets too much of that without your permission. You can't control that really, it just happens with her. You open up to her like haven't done with anybody, in a long time. And it all goes naturally. You don't want to open yourself up like that, it just happens.

Right now she's here in your room with you. You try to savour this moment. You wanted this moment just be there already for so long, and now that it's here; you're trying to make sense of it. To put it to memory for the rest of your days. You don't know for how long she'll be here. You don't know if this will be the only time that she is here. You don't know anything, so you just try to remember all of it now.

She's still looking around your room, probably waiting for you to do something, anything other than stare at her or get lost in your own thoughts. You might as well do something other than that, seeing as you've been waiting for this moment for what seems like forever.

You sit in your chair at your desk. It seems like an odd thing to do, seeing as she's still standing in your room. She seems to think the same. Just standing there she probably doesn't know how to act either. You just sitting there probably doesn't help her. But you do have a gameplan here. You do, really. You just need to gather yourself for a little while. Because all of this seem to be really happening any minute now, and you just need to let it sink in, or something.

She's looking at you now, probably because you've been staring at her for a long while now. And that look on your face might have something to do with it also. She's smiling, she knows what you're up to. She knows that you're not just in your own thoughts anymore, you're there with her.

"Come here." You try to tell her but you probably ended up saying it more like a question.

She chuckles. Great. You try to be sexy, or something like that. You're already failing, but you can't turn back now.

"Will you please just do it," you ask her, again.

She comes over, and stops right before you. Her knees are almost touching yours, except that you're sitting on that chair and she's still standing up.

"What now," she asks you. She's so mean, because there's no doubt in your mind that she doesn't know what you're implying.

You tell her that.

"You're a horrible person. You know that, don't you?"

"Is that why you brought me here?"

"Stop being such a smartass, and sit down will you."

"Where do you want me to sit, seeing as you're already sitting on the only chair in this room."

"Really," you ask her.

"Really," she tells you.

She likes teasing you. You already knew that much.

She sits down though, straddling you. You kinda want to yell, to scream that there's a hot girl sitting on your lap. Because that is how you feel right now.

You need to just take this in again, before you progress. You're smiling, and she can tell but you just don't care. You defs are such a baby lesbian right now. It feels like your heart is almost beating out of your chest, she isn't even touching you but she already makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up.

At first you don't really know what to do with your hands, so you're just looking at her first. To see if all of this is still okay with her, or something. You catch her smiling at you again. Of course she is. She's done this before. You're the one that is totally out of your comfort zone.

Being out of a comfort zone is something that you are familiar with, if that is even possible. You actually thrive, being out of your comfort zone. It's something that beforehand you're not comfortable with, but in it you go all the way. Maybe it'll be like that again.

You actually don't know why you're dreading this moment. Dreading is not right though. She might think that you're dreading it, but you're not. You're savouring it already, you try to at least.

She doesn't give you another second though. She grabs your hands and puts them on her hips.

It awakens you, and also it awakens something inside you. The past few minutes you've been inside your head. Right now you feel your body, mostly. Your head catches up almost immediately.

You grip her hips more firmly, squeezing your fingers into her flesh a little. You don't know where to look first. You try to look at her face, into her eyes because it feels like if you'll look elsewhere you'll go too fast, and it might feel like you don't respect her enough. And you do, respect her. But you're kinda done respecting her for now, if that makes any sense.

You want her, and your body is going faster than your mind. Your mind tries to resist a little longer, if only for a few seconds. You're looking into her eyes the whole time, for those few seconds before your body gives in.

She gives in a little faster than you though.

"Kiss me," she clearly demands.

And you do, kiss her.

* * *

 **A/N**

 **Sorry this update took a little longer than planned. So I'm just going to leave this here, and wait for you guys to comment on it.**


	10. Chapter 10 - peace in her body

**A/N**

 **I'm completely devastated by the news that Arizona Robbins won't be in Greys Anatomy for much longer. I can't imagine watching it any further without her in it. I'm not planning to. Greys anatomy feels something like a journey to me. When I first started watching it I was about sixteen years old, I think. Now I'm 27 and I can't believe how much I've changed since then. At first I started watching the show for McDreamy, still totally oblivous to the fact that I'm gay as fuck. For a couple of years now I've been watching the show for no one other than Arizona Robbins, and maybe some for her lovers over the years. A guest reviewer asked me to at least keep her character alive by writing this story further. I'm not the kind of person that will abandon her stories, even though sometimes it's hard for me to find the inspiration to write and update every week, for example. I hope I won't lose inspiration for this one, it might even spurr me on to write more, because how else will we keep Arizona Robbins in our thoughts and minds? Fow now I want to thank you all for reading this story, and I hope you keep reading this one and maybe my other stories as well. I'm open for new writing ideas. So if you have an idea, don't hesitate to contact me. Also open to other ships or other series, let me know. Thanks!**

* * *

 **Previous chapter**

You grip her hips more firmly, squeezing your fingers into her flesh a little. You don't know where to look first. You try to look at her face, into her eyes because it feels like if you'll look elsewhere you'll go too fast, and it might feel like you don't respect her enough. And you do, respect her. But you're kinda done respecting her for now, if that makes any sense.

You want her, and your body is going faster than your mind. Your mind tries to resist a little longer, if only for a few seconds. You're looking into her eyes the whole time, for those few seconds before your body gives in.

She gives in a little faster than you though.

"Kiss me," she clearly demands.

And you do, kiss her.

* * *

 **Chapter 10 - peace in her body**

Once your lips come in contact with hers you're done holding back. It's like your body has a mind of its own. Your hands start to wander all over the body that you've been dreaming about, fantasising about for so long, too long.

You can't wait to feel all of her, on top of you, under you. You're not picky. You just need to have her. You might be a little greedy but she doesn't seem to mind. You're gripping her all over; her thighs, her waist, her neck, her ass. Once you start touching her ass you leave your hands there for a minute. Not able to move them to anywhere else. Apparently your hands are content staying just where they are for a while.

Until you aren't satisfied any longer by touching her with her clothes on. You need more skin. For the past minute you've been trying to get to as much skin as possible without removing any of her clothes. You're desperate to just rip them off, but that might not be totally okay with her.

You need to check first. Your inhibitions tell you to just go on, but somewhere your mind is still present and telling you to love her with your mind too. Love? Maybe you do already, in some way. Your actions are more like fucking then making love though, but you just can't help yourself. You're to wound up to pace yourself and take your time. Maybe later, you hope later.

"Off," you tell her.

A minute ago she was already struggling because you were touching her in all the right places, but now that you've stopped for a second she's regained her cocky attitude again. She won't let you forget that you're the baby lesbian in this, even though a second ago you were topping her. She might sit on top of you, but you've got the upper hand in this, and you will get it back once you get her out of her clothes.

Nothing about this makes you feel uncomfortable, or nervous. You're way past those sort of feelings. You've been wanting this for so long that there isn't a thought in your mind like: what am I about to do, will I know what to do, will she like it?

You like it.

You've had sex before, obviously. And you're not even 'having sex' yet, but it's already better than anything you've ever experienced before. You always liked sex, you're comfortable being a top, you like to be a top, even in sexual encounters with male partners. It's not uncommon to you. But the amount of liking is on a whole other level this time. It's not even fair to compare the two. You haven't even done that much but you know already that going back now, to guys that is, will be impossible after this. It's not fair to compare but it's also very _very_ impossible.

If you get to just touch her for the rest of your life, without her doing something to you, you'll die happy. Honestly.

Every brush of your fingers alongside any part of her body is doing something to your body in a way that you've never felt before. Back then, when you were imagining getting this intimate with her, you always wondered what it would feel like, just brushing your fingers on her body. You brushed your fingers alongside your own body, trying to get a picture, a better imagination. But doing that you're also on the other end receiving those brushes of your own fingers. It's not the same. You couldn't get close to the real thing.

Right now you might not be on the receiving end of those brushes, but still it does more to you then if you would be, on the receiving end of your own brushes that is.

She smirks at you for you trying to make her take her clothes off.

"Arizona, please."

"Oh, begging already?"

"Ugh, you're impossble. Will you just take it off."

You're trying to not get thrown off by her behaviour, trying to still be confident in all of this. And you are, for the most part. Except for that tiny voice in your mind that is telling you to make sure that she even wants to take off her clothes, that it's not just you that wants this to happen, so much.

But before you can think about it any further she gives you an answer by indeed taking off her shirt. Luckily she's only wearing a pretty skimpy bra under that shirt. You're not prepared for any more layers. That bra is already one layer too many, if you're concerned.

You're looking at the newly reveiled skin before you. You don't move for a while, you're just looking. Appreciating to finally see her like this, for you.

She smiles at you. She's not smirking this time, it's a softer smile. Like she's trying to understand what this must be like for you. Maybe she's remembering her first time in the back of her mind somewhere, you don't know. You're guessing that she can imagine somewhat how you feel right now.

You remember to look up at her first, before you dive in, so to speak. To make her feel wanted, loved even. To get her to see how much you want this. It's probably noticable in your eyes. They probably speak for themselves.

Meanwhile you're trying to decide where to touch her first now that you're capable to touch more skin. It takes everything inside of you to touch her with your hands first, because you can't stop thinking about tasting her, everywhere.

You're carefully bringing your hands up towards her face. You're starting there even though you really just want to go straight for her boobs. If people would know they might see you as a perv, you don't really care. Given the chance that she fucked you against a wall of a bar while she knew that you never fucked a women before, never been fucked by women, she doesn't mind. If you are a perv then she is the same. You're perfectly fine with that.

She's watching your every move carefully, taking everything in. You don't know if she's doing it to guide you, to make sure that you reach the right places, or if she's doing it because she just likes to watch. You would, watch you mean. Judging by the way she looks at you, you're guessing that she likes to watch too.

Maybe you should give her something to look at, then. As she is a little more naked than you are at the moment.

So you take a little moment in between touching her to take off your shirt also. Not because this is about you, because it isn't. Not for you anyway. You just feel more close to her this way. And it's probably nice for her to look at, give or take that you like to look at her too, and you think - no you hope - that it's the same for her.

"Amy." You hear her.

It's a plead. Also you sense a little appreciation in her voice. She probably didn't mind the fact that you just took your shirt off. Maybe you should take off one more layer, being your bra. That way you're one layer ahead of her, and it might give her the idea to take off more clothes also. You're up for losing more clothes. You so are.

You have the upper hand in this for a reason. She probably needs you to guide her. Needs you to show what you want. What you are okay with, and what not. There's not a lot of not, you can assure her.

"Will you take yours off too," you ask her before you remove your bra completely.

She complies.

Your hands to straight towards her tits. You're done playing coy. You need to feel them in your hands, really feel them. The weight of them. You knead them first, letting her get accustomed with the intrusion of your hands on them so suddenly.

Once you're completely sure that she's comfortable with this, that intrusion has been replaced by pleasure, you dare to focus on her nipples. They are light pink. So light pink. Much more then yours. Her nipples are a little stiff already, but you figure that there's more once you start touching her properly.

You look at her face and you can tell that she's a little more aroused then she was a minute ago. You can see a little blush on her cheeks that wasn't there before. Also her mouth is a little more open then before. As if she's in need to have a little room between her lips to let all those little breaths escape.

It's cute. Even when she's aroused, she looks cute.

But also sexy. It's hard to explain. You don't think that you're able to explain to anyone how beautiful Arizona looks when she's aroused. You can find a few expressions on her face, all rolled into one. It makes it impossible for you to give just one name to that expression. It's just. Arizona. Aroused Arizona.

What you do know that it's a look that you don't want anyone to see but you, if you have anything to say about it.

That thought must have spurred something inside of you, because before you can think about what you're doing you dip your head a little and your lips are around those light pink nipples that you've been staring at. Finally.

You try to memorize everything. How her nipples feel inside your mouth. How it feels to flatten your tongue and stroke it across one of those nipples. You try to memorize how she tastes when you take her nipple into your mouth carefully. The gasp that you hear when you do suck her nipple for the first time. How she gasps again when you use your teeth a little.

Not too much. You've never liked it in previous encounters when someone would use their teeth too much, so you're not about to do the same.

How her hands grip your neck when you soothen her nipple after you sucked her a little harder then before. How even with your mouth you can feel the goosebumps around her nipple when your mouth finally comes in contact with her other nipple, which has been neglected up until now.

It's enough for you for a while. But after a few minutes you get the impression that it's not quite enough for her.

She won't tell you. She's not that kind of person. Not that she's not the begging type, more like that she doesn't want to rush you into something you don't want. She doesn't know that you barely can't wait yourself, to explore her further you mean.

You would like to spend more time on her tits. Of course you do. Now that they are available to you, you kind of don't want to move your mouth ever, but at the same time you really want to move your mouth towards other places which you haven't discovered up until now.

You're anxious about those places exactly in the way that you were anxious about putting your mouth towards those tits, for so long.

You're starting to realize that you won't have to deprive yourself of her any longer. That she's here, right in front of you. Yours for the taking. In this moment that is. You'd like her to be yours for the taking for much longer, but that's a topic for another time. Right now, you should just be in the moment. Enjoy the now.

Take her.

She's a little taller than you are, but you're strong enough to lift her up from that chair and move her towards your bed. So you do. Even if you have to muster up a little more power than you've expected.

You hope that she doesn't notice. And to be honest, you don't think she does, given that she probably is a little too busy with you being this forward and carrying her to your bed. She might not have expected that.

You don't know what she expects, really. Does she think that you're nervous? Does she expect you to be this sure about what you do? Because that's what you feel like right now. A minute ago you had your face between her tits. You'd think it can't get any better than this, but it can. It still can get better than this. So yeah, you feel amazing. You feel sure, and you're ready to take this all the way.

Wait another moment might only make you doubt yourself, and you don't want to lose this confidence.

So you lay her down on your bed, and you get right on where you stopped a minute ago. But this time you go on down a little faster. What are you saying? You didn't go down at all a minute ago, but you are now.

You're mapping her skin with your mouth on the way down. Even though you can't wait you try to make sure that you aren't missing any skin, as if it's possible to not miss any skin to map with your mouth.

Maybe it is possible, you'll probably try later on. Right now you don't have time.

And maybe you do, not have time. You're racing against some kind of clock, your own that is. You're racing against your own nerves. You need to get there before they get the better of you. If you keep going like this you might make it in time.

You look up once you meet her jeans as a barrier. Your mouth can't get any further without taking her jeans off. So you look up, seeking the permission in her eyes to remove the rest of her clothing.

Her eyes pleading you get the permission you want. Your fingers move fast, opening her jeans and removing it from her legs.

You don't give her any time to be concerned about you. About if you want this, if you're ready for this.

What's weird is that you don't feel like a baby lesbian. You never felt like one as much as people have discribed you. You also don't feel like you have to pause yourself to push through. Even though you've never done this before, you feel like you know what you are doing. You want it so much, that there isn't a thought in your mind that is questioning your abbilities right now.

So you don't wait another moment before you put your mouth on her. You've been thinking about it a million times. What it would be like. How she would taste, how she would react the first time she felt your warm mouth on her pussy. You've been thinking about it. You've been thinking about it so much that it feels like the most natural thing in the world to you. Like you've been doing this for years.

But at the same time it's a whole new experience for you. Because it doesn't matter how much you've been thinking about it, with thoughts you never could grasp the anwers you wanted. You couldn't get close enough to her taste, couldn't grasp how it made you feel to taste that she's wet for you. You couldn't begin to grasp the feeling you feel right now when you hear her moan because of something that you are doing to her.

You never got this close. Not in real life, but also not in your thoughts. And there happened a lot, in your thoughts. There probably will happen a lot more, even though you get her in real life now, for now. You don't think it'll ever be enough. You'll be craving her from the second she's not near you any longer.

But for now she is, near you.

"Amy," you hear her call out. You can't quite pick up what kind of Amy it is. It's the decleration of your name with a few emotions all rolled into one, and you need to look up at her to make up what to do next.

She's looking right at you. Her mouth hanging slightly open, her eyes a little surprised you guess. It's the emotion that you heard in that 'Amy'. She's surprised that you're actually between her legs making out with her pussy. You guess you could call it that at this point. You've been carefully caressing your lips against her lips down there, and the fact that she was already so wet for you caused your lips to moisten, which probably made it all the better for her once you caressed her pussy with your lips once again.

It certainly was all the better for you, because you've barely started and that moment you look up at her you also use to lick your own lips so you can taste her.

That causes her arousel to spike, you figure once you hear her let out a sound you haven't heard up until now. You look up at her again, and see that she's staring at your mouth, so she probably saw the action and appreciated the hell out of it.

You do too. She tastes good, and even though you couldn't begin to imagine how she would taste, you always knew it would be good. That you would like it. You've been imagining licking her cum off your fingers for months when you were actually tasting your evidence. You like tasting yourself.

You like tasting her even more. You wonder if she thought the same thing when she tasted you for the first time, when she fucked you against that wall. Even though it's probably still not the same. You get to taste her much more than she did you. She just sucked her fingers clean. You get to give and take. By giving her what she needs you get to taste her more. You haven't thought about it like that before.

You hate how your mind works sometimes. All those thoughts floating through your brain when you would actually like to block everything else out and just do; just taste her, just fuck her with your mouth until she needs you to stop tasting her. Because you're not stopping before.

She needs to pull you away from her by your hair if she wants you to stop. You've been waiting too fucking long for this to happen to be concerned with any other thought; like your jaw that might begin to hurt if you continue to only keep using your mouth, or your lips that might get numb at some point.

It's all background, everything else.

"Amy," she's pleading for you to go on. It's been only seconds though, but that's already enough for all those thoughts to pass. Still you're not going to deny her, now that she's calling out for you once again.

You wrap your mouth around her clit softly, you carress her clit with your warm, wet lips before you take her into your mouth once again and dare to suck her clit short and soft, just to see what kind of actions make her tick.

She seems to like it especially when you make out with her pussy. It's then that you get to alternate between stroking her clit with your bottom lip, licking up her wetness right from the source with your tongue before you lick up a little more to stroke your tongue across her clit. Her hips buck up every time your tongue comes in contact with her clit.

You can feel her need getting stronger. She becomes more sensitive with every action, and gets a little louder. She's still pretty quiet though. You didn't imagine her being really loud, but you think that she's actually a little louder than this if she would really give in to what she feels and lets go of her inhibitions. You think it's because she wants to keep up a reputation.

A reputation that you've been destroying for the past few months without you really having a say in that matter or really trusting the fact that you are changing her. That she is changing for you.

It's a topic for another day though. Right now you're pleased with every little sound that she makes, especially when it's a sound that's a little louder from all the rest before; when you surprise her by stroking your teeth across her clit, and then soothe it with your lips before you flick your tongue across it for the first time. She can't seem to keep herself as quiet as she would want any more.

As much as you would like to keep licking her pussy, you also can't wait to thrust your tongue into her mouth and make her taste herself in your mouth. Once that thought enters your brain you sadly can't keep yourself quiet as you moan into her pussy. She might think that _that_ moan was meant for her pussy, and of course partly it is, but it was more the thought of her tasting herself on your mouth that made you lose control for a moment.

You try to keep fucking her but you feel yourself slipping away in that previous thought. You can't deny it any longer. The need to kiss her is too big for you to keep ignoring it. But you don't want to part from her pussy all too soon so you put your fingers in your mouth quickly to wetten them a little before you introduce them to her pussy.

It's actually not to wetten them, because her pussy is more then wet enough for your fingers. It's more to make sure that your fingers are not a cold unwelcome intrusion. You need them on the right temperature. You need everything to be perfect for her. As perfect as it could be for your first time that is, but that's a thought you get rid of all together because if you start thinking about it further, it might get you off your game.

And you're on point. If her wetness and her sounds get anything to say about it.

You enter her with two fingers at the same time. You know she can take it. She's fucked you with two fingers against that wall not giving a crap about checking if that was okay with you. You figure that this will be more than okay with her.

Giving the gasp she lets out when you do enter her, you've made the right call. You keep your mouth near her clit for a little while. Not totally ready to move yourself away completely. It's taken you so long to get here, it's kinda hard to move away.

But when you hear another moan escape that beautiful mouth of hers you're done waiting. You need to move your mouth up so that you can put your mouth to good use there. You need to taste her mouth, but more so you need her to taste herself on your mouth.

It's neccessary. You know you're going to get off on it, and by this point you can't ignore your own arousal anymore, even though you want to concentrate on her, only her. It's no longer possible.

That's why this position is going to work better for you also. You can grind yourself on her thigh, if you dare. You'll just go lie on it first, the rest will come naturally. You hope.

Oh God you hope she cums. No, don't think like that. What if she doesn't cum?

You've been blocking every insecurity up until now, why is it that you're losing your game now? Now that you've come so far. You're almost there. Pun intended. You think she is too.

When you thrust your tongue inside her mouth the insecurity fades in seconds. You can feel her, hear her moan in your mouth, but you're swallowing all of them. Your need grows now that you feel her mouth participating. She's doing something to you too. You want to keep the upperhand in this, but there's no denying that she's way more experienced and that she lets you have the upper hand in this.

You're okay with it. Because your need is so undeniable that you're very okay with her doing something to you, under one condition: she needs keep being under you.

She can move her hips, try to buck them into you all she wants. But she needs to keep being under you, and you're going to make her cum.

You keep your two fingers inside of her inside of her, pumping in a steady rythm. Not too fast, not too slow either. You're building up slowly.

You're both kissing each other needy. Like every kiss might be the last. Like you both can't get enough. And it's true. You can't get enough of her. It might be the same for her.

You figure that this doesn't come naturally to her. Her giving you the upper hand, her giving you the chance to explore her without her interrupting you and switch roles. It must take a lot of her to just keep 'still' and let you do your thing.

It's also what makes this all the more hot for you. The fact that you get to explore her when you know that all she wants to do is rip your clothes off, turn positions and fuck you until the sun comes up.

You're different. She's told you before but now you believe her. You're starting to believe her anyway, more and more.

But it's getting harder for her. She's struggling, her body is moving more. You need to keep her down, and it's better for your state as well. You grind yourself on her leg involuntarily. You do want to, but it's like you have no choice. Your body is moving without you thinking about it.

She doesn't seem to mind. It keeps her in place and at the same time she can hold on to something, that being your ass.

It seems that she approves of you grinding yourself into her while you fuck her with two fingers.

You'd think that she couldn't get more wet at this point. But when you buck your hips into her more forcefully it seems to be possible.

And you kind of want to laugh. Because even though she states with everything that she has that this is so not her, she's so fucking wet for you, which makes you think that a part of her is like this, with the right person that is.

But of course you don't laugh. It's not the time for laughing. Her body is making more unsudden movements which indicates that she is close.

That's good. Really good. Because you don't know how much longer you can hold out. And you need her to cum first. You'll be right there with her, there's no doubt in your mind about that. Given the things that her sounds and movements are doing to you now, you don't want to think about what will happen when you see her cum.

That's exactly what you do. You've been so consumed in kissing her that you didn't get to watch her face closely. Something inside of you tells you that you should watch her face closely now that she is so close to release.

Now that you're not kissing her you see her biting her lip. It's fucking hot. She closes her eyes every now and then, struggling to keep looking at you.

You ask her. You need to look into those blue eyes of hers.

"Keep looking at me babe, try to keep looking."

"Amy," she begs you.

"What is it," you ask her while you bring your lips towards hers. Carressing them softly without really kissing her, so that you can still hear everything and watch her face closely.

"Amy," she tells you more this time. "Your thumb."

You listen to her words, they don't click immediately. But once they do it turns you on so much that you put your thumb on her clit, thrust your tongue into her mouth, and grind yourself into her leg all at the same time.

If this isn't enough then you don't know what will be. She gripping your ass so forcefully which makes this your no turning back point. Luckily she's there too. Right after you. Maybe it's that little piece of control that she wanted to hold. You hate it but you can't help it. This whole experience is so hot for you. You just can't hold out any longer.

"Fuck, Arizona."

Her eyes are closed now. Head thrown back. Her body is shaking.

It's everything you imagined it to be and more. You couldn't describe the look on her face to anyone, but it's imprinted in your mind forever.

You need to close your eyes too, to ride your orgasm fully, but you're trying to hold on to keep looking at her orgasming. If you could've just hold yourself off a little longer you could enjoy her orgasm fully.

It's hard now. Concentrating on seeing her orgasm while you are cumming so hard. She hasn't even touched you apart from her gripping your ass.

On one hand you're glad that you came also. Now you've got time. Time to explore her without rushing.

She might need you to give up control for one round though...

* * *

 **A/N**

 **Here's an extra long one for you guys. Two times my normal length! If you want me to keep being inspired even though Arizona Robbins is sadly leaving us, for whatever reasons, please comment!**


	11. Chapter 11 - peace in her body (2)

**Previous chapter**

 _If this isn't enough then you don't know what will be. She gripping your ass so forcefully which makes this your no turning back point. Luckily she's there too. Right after you. Maybe it's that little piece of control that she wanted to hold. You hate it but you can't help it. This whole experience is so hot for you. You just can't hold out any longer._

 _"Fuck, Arizona."_

 _Her eyes are closed now. Head thrown back. Her body is shaking._

 _It's everything you imagined it to be and more. You couldn't describe the look on her face to anyone, but it's imprinted in your mind forever._

 _You need to close your eyes too, to ride your orgasm fully, but you're trying to hold on to keep looking at her orgasming. If you could've just hold yourself off a little longer you could enjoy her orgasm fully._

 _It's hard now. Concentrating on seeing her orgasm while you are cumming so hard. She hasn't even touched you apart from her gripping your ass._

 _On one hand you're glad that you came also. Now you've got time. Time to explore her without rushing._

 _She might need you to give up control for one round though..._

* * *

 **Chapter 11 - Peace in her body (2)**

 **Arizona's POV**

That little minx. You should've just taken her by her word. Technically she might be a baby lesbian. But she's not. She just rocked your world on so many levels that it sets all your previous encounters with very _very_ experienced women in a different light. You don't want to think about the fact that it might have something to do with your feelings for her. Meaning: she fucked you pretty good, also technically. But then again you've been fucked by girls that have way more experience, and way better technique.

They didn't come close. Not even a bit.

Normally you don't sleep over. You have sex, and you go home.

She's asleep now. After hours of enjoying her other sexually. You should just get dressed and walk out. It's what you normally do.

You've been watching her sleep for about ten minutes now. At first you were asleep also. Your body wrapped around hers, but then you woke up and you've been watching her ever since. It's the part where you go home. It should be the part where you go home. What are you thinking? It is even past the time where you go home. Normally you don't even let yourself fall asleep. You thought you would just let yourself rest for a few minutes. But she felt so good in your arms that you did fall sleep. It's the part where your boundaries fly out the window.

Maybe they already did.

She's constantly pushing you. Pushing your boundaries. Making you make new rules and principles for yourself.

She doesn't even know it.

You know you should go home, but if you're really honest with yourself. You just don't want to. You want to wake up next to her like this, and you're kinda hoping for another round then. Maybe just for the fact that it won't be awkward between you two the other morning, like in a situation where you get up and you have had sex the night before. But that was the other night and now it's morning. And you don't know how to act around each other so you're both just mumbling stupid words about breakfast, and needing to leave for work and stuff.

You won't let it be awkward between you two. You hope.

* * *

 **Amelia's POV**

Due to the light coming in through your window you woke up about five minutes ago. Arizona is asleep next to you. You remember falling asleep with her arms around you, but in her sleep she must have turned around on her back. It's kinda warm in your room. You must have forgotten to turn off the heating. Arizona has noticed it too because the sheets are barely covering anything of her body. Her tits are on full display for you. The sheets are only hugging her up until her waist.

It's a nice sight. Her mouth is hanging slightly open, and her blonde locks are spread messily over your pillow.

You should just let her sleep. It's the nice thing to do. The appropriate thing to do.

It's not even eight in the morning yet, and you know she doesn't have to work today. You guys went on until about four in the morning. So you should let her sleep for a coulple of more hours.

Except that you're not exhausted anymore. Your energy is back. And if you would have had that energy a couple of hours ago, you would've kept fucking her. Now you have enough energy to go on where you guys left off last night.

You're not done with her. Just seeing her asleep in your bed like this is making you horny all over again.

You should let her sleep! That's what good people do right? Like, you're not in a relationship with her. She is asleep, not conscious. It's not right to start something sexually when she's not there to give you permission.

But she's in bed with you. She wasn't drunk. You weren't drunk. You both knew exactly what you were doing and you have been doing it for hours on end. You were doing it almost four hours ago. Don't those facts give you the permission to start something again now? Because you want to...

So bad.

Your body has been craving her from the moment you woke up. Actually, you're pretty sure you were already dreaming about her before you woke up. Normally with such a dream you couldn't get back to sleep fast enough, to get back to that dream. But now your dream, her being with you, is reality. She's right next to you.

You can actually do the things you were dreaming about; to her.

Maybe you should just start by brushing your fingers over her upper body. See how she'll react. Maybe you'll make up your mind about this then.

You're scooting closer to her. Seeing if she's waking up.

She isn't.

You put your hands on her, trying not to doubt what this is. Or if it's okay. You just decide to act on your needs. She liked it last night, she'll probably like it right now.

The thought of touching her like this, without her knowing in some kind of way, it's making you so hot. Maybe it's bad. Maybe you're a perv. Let's just put it how it is, it's working for you.

You're so wet it should be illegal to be this wet when you haven't even started to do anything yet.

But you are. You figure that _that_ might tend to happen a lot lately now that you've really had her.

Your fingertips brush over the skin between her boobs. Not waking her up. Safe touches, nothing that might be some kind of forbidden.

The thought alone spurrs you on though. It makes you hot, doing this to her while she's sleeping. You're curious to find out if it makes her hot as well.

For you to feel if it's doing something for her too you need to actually go under those sheets and put your fingers on that gorgeous pussy that you've explored thoroughly until just a few hours ago.

You're in doubt. But you're also in need. And that need is growing stronger by the second your fingertips are attached to her skin. It's like she sets you on fire. And in a way she does. You've never felt more alive than this morning, and last night. It's like you've just discovered what it's supposed to be like, feel like. Sex. Big part of it is that she's a woman. You know that now. But you're so glad that it is her, your first. It makes it more perfect. It makes it so much better, you imagine.

You found peace in her body, as weird as it may sound. The moment your lips touched her body, they haven't left for more than a few seconds. By now it's been a few hours. You need to reattach your lips to her skin. You need to find that peace again.

All the resistence is leaving your body once you become very aware of your own need again. Your pussy makes herself unbearably known.

There was a time in your life that you thought that it was only men that were all about sex. You've heard people say it many times. That men think with what's in their pants. You always believed them. And it's probably true. But they were saying it like as if women were different. That women aren't like that. And maybe some aren't. Or most. Or they just don't want to admit it.

You don't know. It's probably a little bit of both.

What you do know that you are like that. You do think with what's in your pants. You've caught yourself thinking with what's in your pants a lot since you've met her.

Your pussy makes herself known a lot more than you care to admit to anyone. It's not their business. It is yours though. You can't seem to help yourself to think about anything else than everything that is making you tick.

She makes you tick. Seeing her in bed with you makes you squeeze your legs together. Trying to tell your pussy to shut up.

She never listens though. Especially now that the woman that has power over all of your orgasms over the past few months is next to you, naked. Covered only by a part of your sheets.

It's what pushes you over the egde. _Not that edge though, not yet._

You're crossing the line of touching her appropriately while she's still asleep. You're not thinking about morals anymore, screw them.

No screw her.

You're surprised to feel her pussy already wet for you. At least, you'd like to think that it is indeed for you, if last night had anything to say about it; it probably is.

The fact that she fucked you against the wall of a bar while she knew you were a woman-virgin makes you bold. It makes you throw away all the cares in the world about your actions and dive right in, so to speak.

You're moving your body so that you're in between her legs and you can give her a proper wake up call by putting your mouth on her. Kissing her at first, testing the waters before you spread her lips with your fingers so that you can taste her better. At the end of your first proper lick you already feel her hips buck upwards against your mouth. She's still asleep but she defs doesn't seem to mind this.

You're actually surprised about how much she let you have the upperhand. Not now, but last night. Seeing as she's claiming to be a top, she looks/looked perfectly fine with being under you. You would've figured that after the first two rounds of you worshipping her body, she would've flipped you over and taken you so hard and good just to prove that what you just did to her was indeed just you being a baby lesbian.

Instead she just let you take her for as long as you could. After she just snuggled up to you. You were completely spent from fucking her, that was also to be expected. But she seemed to be as well. Before you could think about it some more you were already asleep, and apparently she as well, seeing as she stayed the night.

It gives you a weird kind feeling; maybe it's pride. The fact that you tasted her so thorougly while she hasn't gotten that chance with you yet. Even though you're the baby lesbian in this 'relationship'.

Before you fucked her you already knew that you were a boob kinda girl. You got off so many times thinking about boobs, her boobs, her being wet for you. Everything about her. It still surprised you that last night you found out that you are such an ass girl. It's unbelievable. You absolutely love her ass. You love squeezing her cheeks when you're eating her out, and you love feeling her lift her hips for you to get into your mouth more.

You shouldn't love all of those things.

You shouldn't love anything that has something to do with her. It's dangerous and you know it. It's not like she hasn't warned you.

It's not her. She's not like this. You're already asking too much of her. Something she doesn't give normally. And you're getting it anyway. Isn't that enough?

Can that be enough?

It must be enough for now because you're not pulling away before you've had her again this morning. At least you have that. You try not to think about after. If it will be enough after. Why can't you just enjoy what is happening right now? Without looking forward, worrying about consequences and future problems. Why are you like this? Always thinking about what happens next?

Always thinking, period.

You'd like to be someone that just does. Without the thinking. You know it's no use though. It's just not who you are. And maybe you need to truly accept that in order to be able to move forward. That's something you need to get back to though. Later, because right now there are more important things to attend to. Like the fact that you're in between Arizona's legs, still. She hasn't woken up yet but if you keep wasting time on important life questions she's going to wake up before you know it.

Because she is wet. And you've been somewhat kissing her pussy lazily. Not enough for her to wake up. Not enough build up, you imagine, but enough for it to be a uncomfortable slow build up. If she was awake right now you know she would've told you to step up your game. After the first round she was more open with you about what she wanted, liked, and expected from you. She probably felt that you could handle it, you could give her what she needed, and you took it as a compliment.

Your hands are on her belly, stroking your fingers lazily over her skin. Your mouth gets into proper action again, using your lips more than your tongue. Considering the knowledge you build up last night about her, she likes it when you do that. She has this almost weird fascination with your lips. You don't know what it's about exactly, you're not complaining though.

Apparently that works for her again this morning. She wakes up the moment your lips brush her clit, not that subtle. You just can't help yourself. You're not sure how to look at her now that you've been caught in the act. You need to see how she's reacting to this first.

You see confusion for about a second. Before you can think about what that look means, it's replaced by the look of want that you've gotten to know so well on Arizona last night. Her eyes are darker than her normal bright blue ones.

She's okay with this. You're so lucky that she's okay with you being between her legs once again. And not just because you get the opportunity to worship her body once again, but more that it means that she's okay with being here with you. To you it says that she didn't regret last night, and she's not about to run right now. Even more important: she didn't run, like at some point during the night. She stayed the night. You woke up to her being asleep beside you, and it's only now that this fact is sinking in. She stayed.

You reckon it's not like her to stay over after one of her late night encounters. Maybe she really does feel more for you than you - or she, you hope she - care to admit. You won't admit it because you're afraid you'll hurt yourself once you do. Even though it's already to late for that. Because even though you refuse to admit it to yourself out loud. Thinking about admitting it, is already admitting it. And if she doesn't return those feelings that you already have, it'll hurt.

It'll hurt you so much more than you want to think about right now. You're so screwed, and not in the good way. You can't wait for her to screw you though. The deadline on that one has been way overdue by now.

"Amy, you're doing it again." You hear Arizona tell you.

You blush. It's not the first time this happens, and she catches you. You're zoning out again. In your mind while you were attending to something very important. Breakfast. Her. She's your breakfast. You should go back to eating her.

You want to tell her that you're sorry for not being 'there'. She shuts you up before you can get the whole word out, by pushing that pretty face of yours back into her pussy.

At least, that's how she puts it...

"If you're going to eat Amelia. Then do it. Eat. You're the one that got me like this. You need to finish what you started."

She's painfully honest with you. Painful for her that is. It probably hurts her that she needs you like this, and to admit it hurts even more, you bet. You didn't exactly gave her a chance to choose the position she's in right now. You chose for her.

You're going to make this up to her by giving in to what she wants directly. No more building up. No more playing safe. You're going all in right now, no more holding back due to your feelings and thoughts. They just need to be parked for a little while. For until after you're done with her.

No, actually. Until after she's done with you. Because you really need her to take care of you in the next few moments or else you're going to burst. You're done orgasming because your hips are pushing into your bed or you are grinding yourself into her thigh.

Not that you don't love the fact that you're cumming from just pleasuring her. You defs know that she loves it. But also you hate it; how easy you are unraveling around her. And, even though you came a lot of times during the night, it's not enough. It's not as satisfying as cumming by her hands, or mouth, or anything that has to do with her doing something to you. You're not that picky.

You actually need her to promise you right now that after you're done with her she still has enough gas in the tank to fuck you like you deserve to be fucked. Because by now you really do believe that you deserve to be fucked real good by her.

"Are you going to take me after, Arizona," you ask her pretty seriously.

She's smirking. You're giving her way too much hold over you by asking her this.

"Did I neglect my baby's needs?"

Really? Did she just call you 'baby'? More importantly: 'her baby'?

Judging by the look on her face she's also surprised that she let the words slip. Your curious to find out how she'll talk herself out of them. If she talks herself out of them.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that," she tells you. A horrified look on her face.

The mood is switched from very on to off in about zero seconds.

"What do you mean? You didn't mean to let it slip or you didn't mean them?"

"Didn't mean them?"

"The words, Arizona. Did you mean them?"

"I uhh, I guess so."

"You guess so?"

She's smiling now. Why is she smiling? God, why does she confuse you so much? You hate her for it, so much.

"You know what? This is my own fault. I can't even blame you for the fact that I'm in this position now. That I'm stressing about words that you are saying or not saying. I let you get close. I let myself get too close. I've only got myself to blame for this. You've warned me many many times. I'm solely the one to blame. Me, myself and fucking I."

"And why the fuck are you still smiling? Do you think this is funny?"

"Babe."

Is she really calling you 'babe' right now? Seriously?

"Really, Arizona?"

"Yes, Amy. Indeed; really. You're a babe. You blew my mind last night, you blow my mind. Much more than I ever expected you to..."

"That's not what I meant to say. Well it is, but not only that. It's not that I expected you to be bad. But God, Amy. I'm never every going to call you baby lesbian again. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for calling you that, ever. And yes, I let the words slip. But that doesn't mean that I didn't mean them. Because I did. I see that now. The fact that I let them slip from my mouth without thinking about them, says that I mean them. I told you before and I'll tell you again. It all goes naturallly with you, Amy. I don't think about what to do or what to say when I'm around you."

"This is not me, Amelia. I don't. I just... Don't do this," she says while she points between you guys once again. "But obviously I am like this around you."

You've been distant from the moment those words slipped her mouth. You needed to get away from her naked body in order to think rationally instead of with other parts, at that point more dominant parts, of your body.

After the words she just shared with you, you don't feel the need to be this far away from her anymore. In fact you need to get closer. As close as possible. It's not that she told you that loves you, but those words coming from her mouth; it's as much as if anyone else would say those three words to you. More even. Because this is not her.

She's still trying to convince you of that fact. She doesn't have to though, you know that it's not like her. You also know by now that _that_ doesn't mean that it can't be her. And apparently you bring it out in her. You're so happy about that, and she needs to know that. She also needs to know that by her being with you, or whatever, it doesn't mean that she has to change.

Well, of course some things will change. She needs to stop sleeping around. She can't sleep around on you, but that doesn't mean that she will be limited in her sexlife. You're going to do absolutely everything to make that change as smooth as possible for her. She won't even think about it, if you have anything to say about it. She's a free spirit, especially sexually. And you don't want that to change. You're going to give her everything that she needs, and more. So much more. But it's only going to be you from now on.

 **The end.**

 **A/N**

 **So apparently it took me a while to get over the news that Arizona is leaving the show. To be honest. I still haven't watched a new episode since. I just can't get myself to... But, I did however feel the need to write about her. So here's this extra long chapter to make up for being away for a while...**

 **It's not that I'm fed up with this story yet. It is more that from my experience in writing about Orange is the New Black I've learned that I write stories too far, and get fed up with them at some point during the story where I can't just leave it like that, but do it anyway because I just don't feel the inspiration or motivation for such a story anymore. I don't want to do that to you guys with this one.**

 **Doesn't mean that I'm not going to write anymore. I have so much in more in store for Arizona, don't you guys worry. This story was more about someone (more myself), in this case under the name of Amelia, that's trying to cope with the fact she just learned that she's into women, after being into guys (or she thought) for a huge part of her life. I wanted to take you guys on that journey, my journey, to put some feelings and thoughts to rest. I hope you enjoyed reading them.**

 **I would appreciate it if you guys would leave a review to give me your opinions about this story, or give me a new idea for a new story. Thank you so much!**


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